down memory lane - one year anniversary

"You have cancer."

These were the words I heard as I entered the doctor's room. It has been exactly one year since that D-day. It took a while for the words to sink in. As most cancer survivors would tell you, these words often sound like a death sentence. And the way doctors announce it often makes it look like it's your last day on earth.

The anxiety of waiting turned into an anxiety of uncertainty. How come? What next? How? So many questions flooded my mind. I never felt so lost, so lonely in my life. The doctor rattled off about the procedures but I was not listening. Who could under those circumstances? Everything was happening so fast & so sudden. I was in a daze. I just wanted to be alone to make sense of what was happening.

While the doctor was busy doing the paperwork to refer me to Singapore General Hospital for follow-up treatment, I sent PS an sms, "It's cancer." The 3 angels (PS, Ruby, Jacinta) had turned up at AH's ENT dept unannounced to give me moral support. They were waiting & praying outside the doctor's room. PS popped her head into the doctor's room & asked, "Do you need me to be with you?" I shook my head, trying hard to fight back the tears that were threatening to appear.

I could sense a feeling of guilt on the doctor's face. Her own voice was choked with tears as she spoke. She knew I was right after all. The week before, I had raised my voice at her & her team for their lack of expertise in treating my ear blockage problem. I had lost faith in AH & had gone to seek second opinion at SGH. It was SGH which first alerted me of a suspected tumour behind my nose.

The 3 angels were the first of many angels God would send to minister to me in the days & months ahead. One year on, I'm simply amazed at the way God works. It's simply beyond my imagination how much He cares for me. It's simply beyond my understanding how much He loves me.

This verse comes to mind :
"......to grasp how wide & long & high & deep is the love of Christ, & to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." (Ephesians 3:18-19)

thanks for journeying with me the past one year,
tsk tsk