how to deal with fellow Christians who are suffering

What should you do or not do with regards to a fellow Christian who is suffering from a critical illness? You would probably admit that many a time in such a situation, you do feel unsure as to what is the right thing to do or say. Having been a cancer patient myself, allow me to provide you with a 10-point guide to assist you in ministering to your fellow Christians who are going through the pain & suffering of a critical illness.

The 10 Don'ts

1. Don't be judgemental. Don't pass judgement or give your views on why the person is sick or suffering. You are called to comfort, not to condemn others.
2. Don't preach. Don't be like Job's 3 friends who thought they knew all the answers but had not known suffering in their own lives.
3. Don't compare. Every person is different; every illness is different; and God has a different plan & purpose for everyone. Don't tell stories of how some people you know had been healed or had died from the illness. Hearing the stories about other people's illness will only make the person more miserable. It might even cause him to question why God is so unfair, why He healed some & not others. Even the Lord Jesus did not heal everyone during His time on earth.
4. Don't dispense advice or prescribe solutions. You are not a doctor or a dietician, so don’t be too eager to recommend an alternative cure or diet supplement based on hearsay. There is no scientific proof to all these cure-all claims. You will only confuse the person or make him feel guilty should he not get well.
5. Don't question the faith of the person or imply that his faith is weak at a time when he is physically & emotionally weak. God holds us responsible for every careless word spoken (Matt 12:36-37). Don’t expect everyone to have super-faith at all times. We all go through mountaintop & valley experiences at certain points in our lives.
6. Don’t play God. Don’t be too eager to tell the person what God can do in his life or pronounce God's judgement on him. You are not God. You don't know what is God's plan for him. God will enable the person to see His will & purpose in His own way & in His own time.
7. Don’t talk more than you listen. Do not feel that you need to entertain the person by telling stories or talking about work & church unless the person asks. At this moment, these are the least important issues to the person as his priority is to get well. Talk less, listen more. Let the person relieve his inner pain by pouring out his heart to you. Let the person have some peace & quiet moments; don't talk incessantly for it can be irritating to the person.
8. Don’t call. Don’t stress the person by making him repeat his story to everyone who calls. If you would like him to know that you care, simply drop him an sms, email or card to encourage him. Another way to show love is to offer help in practical ways.
9. Don’t visit, unless you feel your visit will make a difference to the person. If you do visit, a silent conversation or holding the person’s hand is the best thing you can do to a person who needs comfort & assurance.
10. Don’t act so holy that you are of no earthly value. Be realistic. Christians are also human. When hit by unexpected news of a critical illness, it is human to feel anxious, to express our fears or even to question God. Allow the person to feel angry, anguished, fearful, scared, unhappy. I believe Jesus understands as He was made human like us & had also suffered like us so He is able to help us overcome our anxiety, fears & doubts. I believe God wants us to cry & ask questions. I believe God wants us to get it off our chest. God listens with compassion when we bare our soul to Him, when we tell Him our inner fears, when we tell Him we are scared to suffer or die. God had experienced the pain of His Son's death. I’m sure God understands how we feel. I’m sure God knows we will react to bad news this way because He made us human with feelings. And He will heal our pain in His own way & in His own time.

Emotional pain takes a longer time to heal than physical pain. Some cancer survivors I've met told me the emotional wounds they suffered lingered on even years after they had recovered from their illness. I understand what they mean as I had been through it all. I understand because like them, I had also been hurt emotionally many a time by well-meaning Christians who made insensitive & careless remarks. I pray that God will potect me from such people.
Brothers & sisters in Christ, I pray that everyone of us will learn to be sensitive to others & be careful with our words & attitudes as we reach out to our fellow Christians who are suffering. Let us not be a stumbling block to others but to show them God's love & compassion.
p/s : part 2 on the "Do's" will be featured another time.
thanks for reaching out to me with God's love & compassion,
tsk tsk