how to deal with fellow Christians who are suffering

What should you do or not do with regards to a fellow Christian who is suffering from a critical illness? You would probably admit that many a time in such a situation, you do feel unsure as to what is the right thing to do or say. Having been a cancer patient myself, allow me to provide you with a 10-point guide to assist you in ministering to your fellow Christians who are going through the pain & suffering of a critical illness.

The 10 Don'ts

1. Don't be judgemental. Don't pass judgement or give your views on why the person is sick or suffering. You are called to comfort, not to condemn others.
2. Don't preach. Don't be like Job's 3 friends who thought they knew all the answers but had not known suffering in their own lives.
3. Don't compare. Every person is different; every illness is different; and God has a different plan & purpose for everyone. Don't tell stories of how some people you know had been healed or had died from the illness. Hearing the stories about other people's illness will only make the person more miserable. It might even cause him to question why God is so unfair, why He healed some & not others. Even the Lord Jesus did not heal everyone during His time on earth.
4. Don't dispense advice or prescribe solutions. You are not a doctor or a dietician, so don’t be too eager to recommend an alternative cure or diet supplement based on hearsay. There is no scientific proof to all these cure-all claims. You will only confuse the person or make him feel guilty should he not get well.
5. Don't question the faith of the person or imply that his faith is weak at a time when he is physically & emotionally weak. God holds us responsible for every careless word spoken (Matt 12:36-37). Don’t expect everyone to have super-faith at all times. We all go through mountaintop & valley experiences at certain points in our lives.
6. Don’t play God. Don’t be too eager to tell the person what God can do in his life or pronounce God's judgement on him. You are not God. You don't know what is God's plan for him. God will enable the person to see His will & purpose in His own way & in His own time.
7. Don’t talk more than you listen. Do not feel that you need to entertain the person by telling stories or talking about work & church unless the person asks. At this moment, these are the least important issues to the person as his priority is to get well. Talk less, listen more. Let the person relieve his inner pain by pouring out his heart to you. Let the person have some peace & quiet moments; don't talk incessantly for it can be irritating to the person.
8. Don’t call. Don’t stress the person by making him repeat his story to everyone who calls. If you would like him to know that you care, simply drop him an sms, email or card to encourage him. Another way to show love is to offer help in practical ways.
9. Don’t visit, unless you feel your visit will make a difference to the person. If you do visit, a silent conversation or holding the person’s hand is the best thing you can do to a person who needs comfort & assurance.
10. Don’t act so holy that you are of no earthly value. Be realistic. Christians are also human. When hit by unexpected news of a critical illness, it is human to feel anxious, to express our fears or even to question God. Allow the person to feel angry, anguished, fearful, scared, unhappy. I believe Jesus understands as He was made human like us & had also suffered like us so He is able to help us overcome our anxiety, fears & doubts. I believe God wants us to cry & ask questions. I believe God wants us to get it off our chest. God listens with compassion when we bare our soul to Him, when we tell Him our inner fears, when we tell Him we are scared to suffer or die. God had experienced the pain of His Son's death. I’m sure God understands how we feel. I’m sure God knows we will react to bad news this way because He made us human with feelings. And He will heal our pain in His own way & in His own time.

Emotional pain takes a longer time to heal than physical pain. Some cancer survivors I've met told me the emotional wounds they suffered lingered on even years after they had recovered from their illness. I understand what they mean as I had been through it all. I understand because like them, I had also been hurt emotionally many a time by well-meaning Christians who made insensitive & careless remarks. I pray that God will potect me from such people.
Brothers & sisters in Christ, I pray that everyone of us will learn to be sensitive to others & be careful with our words & attitudes as we reach out to our fellow Christians who are suffering. Let us not be a stumbling block to others but to show them God's love & compassion.
p/s : part 2 on the "Do's" will be featured another time.
thanks for reaching out to me with God's love & compassion,
tsk tsk

PET scan

I went to SGH to do PET scan this morning. It was such a long day. I was there from 10.30am to 3.30pm. I was so hungry the first thing I did when I came home was to find food. I was required to fast from midnight to prepare for the scan.

I am thankful to these 2 BSF ladies who drove me to & from SGH despite their busy schedule - CF & PS. CF had to fetch her children to/from school after dropping me off at SGH; PS waited for me while I was in the scanning room --- that was a cool 3-hour wait. I am thankful to God for always sending angels to attend to me in my time of need. My DG leader, FM, is so right when he said that BSF is God's gift to me. Indeed it is, and always has been.

The PET scan results will be known in a day or two, but I do not wish to know the results until I see my oncologist next Wed. My heart tells me it would be bad news, so I don't want to hear it too soon. This "lung" thing has been troubling me since last year when I first learned of the tiny nodule on my right lung. I've been preparing myself for the worst since then. Now it seems that the day has come.

Whatever the outcome, I will praise God along with the psalmist : "Then my soul will rejoice in the LORD & delight in His salvation." (Psalm 35:9)

thanks for walking with me in my journey with cancer,
tsk tsk

has cancer spread to my lungs?

Has cancer spread to my lungs? I will know the answer by next week.

My lung scan report released today was not good. The 2 nodules had grown in size. I thought that previously there was only one nodule, how come now there are 2? The report says, "These are suspicious for metastasis" (metastasis means cancer has spread to another part of the body).
My oncologist immediately arranged for me to do an urgent PET scan test tomorrow. Positron Emission Tomography or PET scan is a unique type of imaging test that helps doctors see how the organs and tissues inside the body are actually functioning. PET scans are commonly used to detect cancer, heart problems, brain disorders and other central nervous system disorders.

This is my second health scare since Aug 2006. I had been rather anxious about my lungs since Sep 2007 when my body-scan report revealed a "stable non-specific nodule" on my right lung. I couldn't sleep the whole night yesterday; maybe subconsciously my mind was anxious. Sometimes my body seems to forewarn me about something unpleasant that is to come.

I was so exhausted after a whole day in the hospital today that I napped for more than an hour when I came home. Alone at home, I felt so lost & lonely. The place was so quiet. There was no one I could confide in or cry with. Lord, where are You? In times like this, I sometimes feel like the Lord has forgotten me.

Please uphold me in prayers as I go through another hurdle with cancer,

tsk tsk

lung scan

In Sep 2007, a body scan showed a small cyst on my right lung. The doctor said to wait for 6 months before following up with another scan. So I did the lung scan today (ie CT thorax).

In the past few months, I have been experiencing pain occasionally on my upper chest area. I don't know if it is a sign of any trouble. A bone scan I did in Jan did not reveal anything wrong with my bones. I pray that my lung scan will not show anything wrong with my lungs either.

So where does the chest pain come from? I can't seem to identify the cause. Maybe it's just muscle pain.

tsk tsk

I am still alive & kicking

My long silence could mean 2 things. Either I'm dead or I'm busy like everyone else. In the event I enter into eternal glory, there will be an announcement on this blog. I know that my former manager, PS will announce my departure on this blog on my behalf. PS was the creator of this blog & she will also bring it to a close should I go to heaven before her.

So, tsk tsk, what have you been doing these past 2 months? Good thing I keep a daily journal, so it's not a problem recalling what I did in Feb & Mar.

5 Feb 2008 - Today was the eve of Lunar New Year's Eve. I held a reunion dinner tonight because I would be going home to Batu Pahat tomorrow. My youngest sister, Shuli came back for CNY (she is based in Taiwan). My eldest sister, Shuyun & family joined us for dinner.

6 Feb 2008 - I baked Pandan Kaya cake this morning for my family. Shuli's friend, Mei Yan gave us a lift back to Batu Pahat. We left Singapore at about 4pm. We did not make it in time for reunion dinner as we reached BP past 9pm. There was a heavy traffic jam at the causeway. Mei Yan also had to drop by JB to pick up her brother's family.

7 Feb 2008 - Xin Nian Meng En! Blessed Lunar New Year! My family & I attended the CNY service at Saving Grace Chinese Church. Then we "bai-nian" the whole afternoon, visiting some of my Ah-Yi and Ah-Koh. Time did not permit me to visit more.

8 Feb 2008 - A good "elderly" friend brought me out for lunch. Mum & Shuli joined us too. Without fail, this person would call me on the second day of CNY every year. This was the time of the year she knew for sure I would be home. I went shopping at BP Mall tonight. BP is growing numerically & commercially. BP is now the 10th largest town in Malaysia with a population of about 470,000. Everytime I go back, there will be new shopping malls which are crowded with people. Besides BP Mall, there is also Carrefour hypermarket. Both of these are giant size to the envy of Singapore.

9 Feb 2008 - My 2nd brother drove me & Shuli back to Singapore. Mum came along. They dropped by my eldest sister's place to "bai-nian" before spending the rest of the day at my place.

15 Feb 2008 - Shuli returned to Taiwan this morning. We had a wonderful time of fellowship during the one-week she stayed with me.

16 Feb 2008 - BSF workshop today......this signals the end of the long 4-month break. After today, life is going to get busy, busy, busy again. BSF is doing the book of Matthew. YP & I will be co-teaching the Senior Level class (15-18 years old). This is the 2nd time I am teaching the Senior class. The last time was 2004/2005.

23 Feb 2008 - We had our 1st BSF Leaders' Meeting this morning. In the evening, I went with 2 friends to JB to attend a wedding dinner - Teck Hui & Ley Tin's daughter's wedding. TH & LT are good, old friends from Batu Pahat. Believe it or not, we have not seen each other for almost 30 years. It was a beautiful wedding. The most nostalgic part of the evening was the meeting of former BP folks whom we have not seen for almost 30 years since our Youth Fellowship days in Batu Pahat! For many of us, we couldn't recognise each other! It's obvious we don't look as youthful as our teenage years......but the voice, the mannerisms haven't changed a single bit! There is talk about organising a reunion for all BP folks..........before we all pass on.

7 Mar 2008 - I attended the NPC Support group meeting tonight. The talk was on TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine). This time, the talk would be spread over 2 Fridays. The 2 speakers are TCM physicians from Thong Chai Medical Institution at Chin Swee Road. These 2 physicians specialise in cancer treatment using TCM.

8 Mar 2008 - Today was the 12th General Election in Malaysia. As a Malaysian citizen, I am eligible to vote but I have not gone back to BP to cast my vote for the past 2 or 3 elections. Reason? My vote doesn't make any difference. Why? If you are familiar with Malaysian history, you will know that Batu Pahat is the birthplace of UMNO & therefore a stronghold of UMNO. Politics in BP is very boring because the opposition parties know they have very slim chance of winning here. I stayed up the whole night to watch the results of the election......so shocked with the results I couldn't sleep!

14 Mar 2008 - Attended Part 2 of the talk on TCM at the NPC Support Group meeting.

18 Mar 2008 - Tonight I had to go solo, meaning I had to teach the 2-hour program all by myself as my co-CL was sick. The "spiritual attack" came again. My left ear suffered a sudden blockage when I started my Bible Lesson. The ear blockage also went off suddenly as soon as I finished my 25-min BL. When my ear was blocked, I could not hear myself very clearly so I spoke very loud (this was what CS told me when I shared my experience with her). It happened several times last year too. Strange thing is, my ear would suddenly become blocked when I start the BL. But when I do the other segments (discussion, discovery, closing), I don't experience ear blockage at all. I don't understand. What I know is that each time it happens, I feel very lousy because I can't hear my own voice. But I know that the Holy Spirit will guide my mouth to say the words He wants the students to hear. The amazing thing is I do not need to sip any water during the 2-hour session - not only tonight, but every Tuesday night. This is my experience of God.

This is the end of my daily journal recorded for the months of Feb & Mar. Thanks for reading. Hope you will whisper my name in your prayers each time you read my blog.

praise God I'm still alive & kicking,

tsk tsk