farewell papa

It was Monday 26 Dec 2011, 11.40am.

I was on my way back to Singapore. The express coach had turned into the North-South Highway from Ayer Hitam. For the last one hour, I had tried to engage my mind on a game of “sudoku” on my iphone but I simply could not concentrate. My mind kept playing back the events of the last few days while my curious eyes were fixated on a fly which I noticed had been “walking” on the window pane since I boarded the coach an hour ago. I would have normally tried to shoo away or kill a fly if it dared to come near me, but this particular fly was rather strange. It did not disturb me, so I decided to leave it alone.

Just then, my phone rang & I jumped. It was my eldest brother. I froze & my heart began to beat faster. My intuition told me he was bringing me bad news.

“You have to come home again. Dad had just passed away,” my eldest brother said in Hokkien. I replied with a brief “Ok” as my throat suddenly became choked. Tears gradually welled up in my eyes. I glanced at the window pane. The fly had mysteriously disappeared.

My last conversation with papa (16-18 Dec 2011)

I travelled home to Batu Pahat on 16 Dec when I received news that papa was very sick. Papa had been diagnosed with pneumonia. When I first saw papa in the hospital, I had a shock. I almost couldn’t recognise papa. He had lost so much weight. He was all skin & bones. He looked so frail. I tried to hold back my tears. I had never seen papa like this before. Papa had never been seriously ill in all his 82 years. My heart pained to see him in this condition.

I spoke into papa’s ears as he was hard of hearing. I said in Hokkien, “Pa, I’m xxxxx (my pet name). I’ve come back to see you.” Papa looked at me & waved his hand (a sign that he had heard me). Papa had lost his voice. He mumbled some words but mum & I could not figure out what he was saying. I guessed he was trying to say, “I’m happy you’re back!”

On the morning of Sunday 18 Dec 2011, the doctor and nurse came to check on papa. Papa's extremely low blood pressure was of grave concern. Mum asked if papa would recover. I explained dad's condition to mum & told her she had to be mentally prepared.

Mum is a strong woman & a devoted wife. She & papa had been married for 60 years. She tube-fed, washed & cleaned papa everyday without a word of complaint or murmuring despite the heavy toll on her aged body. I also saw mum standing by papa's bedside talking, praying & singing hymns to papa now & then. Mum was truly papa's Godsend angel. We depended on mum to take care of papa. And she was papa's pillar of strength till his last breath.

I walked over to papa's bedside to talk to papa. Words began to flow out from my heart. It turned out to be an unplanned farewell speech to papa. All the while I was talking to papa, I could see that he was responding to me with his eyes wide open as he listened intently to every word I said. It was the first time in my life I spoke with such heartfelt emotions to papa. And I was glad I did. Because I could see that he was visibly moved.

In a mixture of Hokkien & Mandarin, I said, “Pa, thank you for bringing me up. Thank you for giving me an English education without which I would never have been able to go to UK to further my studies." (note : I am the only English-educated “ang-moh” in my family of eight siblings)

Holding back tears, I continued, “Pa, if Jesus comes to bring you home to heaven, please follow Jesus with joy and peace. Don’t worry about us here. I assure you that we know how to take care of your home --- we know how to lock the gate & doors at night, we know how to make sure there is enough water in the house for you have taught us to do all these things (note : papa had been doing these chores all his life; it was his way of caring for the family. Water rationing happens frequently in my hometown and papa always made sure we had enough water to drink & bathe). Don’t worry about mum. I will take good care of mum. I will take good care of this family.”

“Pa, if our Lord Jesus says to you ‘Come home’, please go home with Jesus. Don’t be afraid. Jesus has prepared for you a house in heaven. And you will not be alone in heaven. Ah Ma, Bi-xia (my second sister), Li-chek (papa's brother), they are all in heaven. You will get to see them in heaven. Of course we will all miss you. But we will see you in heaven one day.”

“Pa, I’m taking the 1.30pm coach back to Singapore later. Next Sunday is Christmas Day. I promise I will come back again to see you, to celebrate Christmas with you. Please wait for me. But if you can’t wait, pa, then we'll meet again in heaven.”

At this point, I saw tears streaming down papa’s face. I called for mum & said, “Mummy, papa is shedding tears!” Mum quickly came to dad’s side to wipe away his tears. Mum & I were both fighting back our own tears too. I was very surprised by papa’s response. It was the first time in my life I saw papa shedding tears. And I didn’t know it was to be my last conversation with papa.

My last Christmas with papa (24-26 Dec 2011)
I came back again to see papa on 24 Dec 2011. I reached Batu Pahat after 7pm due to heavy traffic jam at the Second Link. Papa had been discharged from hospital & was recuperating at home. The minute I reached home, I went to papa’s bedside to let him know I was home. I told him that it was the Lord Jesus’ birthday tomorrow. As usual, he waved to show he had heard me.

My two good friends, Elder Lim Aik Leong and Mary Teo, dropped by to visit me a while later. Before the clock struck midnight, we walked to papa’s bedside to sing him a carol. As we started singing “Silent Night, Holy Night” in English, mum and my eldest brother came to join us (the rest of the family was in church for the Christmas service). After we finished singing, Mary told me later that she saw tears coming down papa’s face (I could not see from where I was standing). Elder Lim ended with a prayer. I did not know that was to be my last Christmas with papa.

My last day with papa (26 Dec 2011)
The morning after Christmas Day, papa was coughing quite badly the whole morning. I was taking the 10.30am coach back to Singapore as all afternoon tickets had been sold out. Although I felt reluctant to leave papa like this, I don’t understand why I still left for Singapore that morning. On hindsight, I thought I should have stayed put. Maybe God sent me back to Singapore as He did not want me to see papa pass away. God knew I would not be able to take it well.

So while I was on my way back to Singapore on the morning of 26 Dec 2011, God took papa home at 11.30am. And I returned to Batu Pahat again that same night. Papa’s funeral was held at Saving Grace Church in Batu Pahat on 29 Dec 2011. Papa is now resting in peace at the Batu Pahat Christian cemetery.

Lord, thank You for enabling me to be with papa in his last few days on earth.

Farewell papa ....... we will miss you dearly till we meet again.

from : mum, your beloved children & grandchildren


note : PLEASE PROCEED TO READ THE EULOGY BELOW.

eulogy

(My youngest sister, Shuli, delivered the eulogy in Mandarin at papa’s funeral service on 29 Dec 2011. Here is the translated English version. The Chinese version is below.)

Papa’s early years
Papa was born on 17 Oct 1929 in Sri Medan, a small village on the outskirts of Batu Pahat. My grandparents had migrated to Malaya from Fujian’s Nan-An county in China. Papa was the eldest son. He had one brother & three sisters. Papa’s father died of a critical illness when papa was only twelve years old. After my grandfather’s death, life became hard for the family and my grandmother decided to move the family from Sri Medan to Batu Pahat in search of a better life.

Papa completed only four years of primary education in a Chinese school. After my grandfather died, papa had to stop schooling to support the family. He worked as an apprentice in “Bie-You-Tian” restaurant. At the age of 15, the chef noticed papa's interest in cooking & promoted papa to be his assistant. Five years later, at the age of 20, papa became the restaurant's chef. Papa worked a total of 29 years at “Bie-You-Tian” restaurant.

Papa married mum in 1951. They have 3 sons, 5 daughters and 8 grandchildren.

Papa’s work
In 1970, papa left the employment of “Bie-You-Tian” restaurant & ventured into business with a few friends. They opened a new restaurant called “Xi-Li-Men” and papa worked as the chef. In 1983, papa & his business partners opened a second restaurant called “Suan-Xi-Lou”. A few years later, a third restaurant called “Jin-Xi-Lou” was added to the stable of restaurants. Because of his meticulous & honest character, papa was put in charge of the restaurant’s daily takings & accounts. At age 70, papa finally called it a day & retired from work. After having worked for some 58 years, papa felt it was time to spend his golden years at home with his family.

Papa’s character
Papa was a good & responsible father. He was a man of few words. He was a homely person and showed his love for us in his own quiet ways.

Papa was always concerned for our safety. When we returned to KL or Singapore, papa would always call us to make sure we had reached home safely. And when papa knew we were coming back to Batu Pahat, he would always wait up for us no matter how late it was. Papa was always the last person to retire for the night as he would make his rounds around the house, making sure the gate & doors were locked and everyone was safe and sound.

Because of his humble beginnings, papa was a very thrifty man. Papa worked hard for the family & spent his hard-earned money to meet the needs of the family. He had never spent a single cent on himself. Papa was very independent & preferred to go around town on his humble bicycle rather than to be driven. Papa cycled to work, to church, to the bank, to pay the utility & telecom bills, to everywhere. Papa & his mini-bike were a familiar sight in Batu Pahat. It was only in the later part of his life, when papa’s legs became weaker, that papa had to reluctantly give up his bicycle and passed on his day-to-day responsibilities to us.

Papa’s salvation
After my second sister, Bi-xia, died of cancer in 1988, papa & mum both received the Lord Jesus as their personal Saviour and Lord. My parents were baptised in 1989. Praise the Lord that by 1992, our whole family became Christians, including my then 89-year-old Ah Ma. Ah Ma went home to the Lord in 1997, at a ripe old age of 93.

Papa’s last Christmas
On Christmas Eve this year, my third sister’s friends, Elder Aik Leong & Teo Tiam, came to my home to celebrate Christmas with papa. Together with mum & my elder brother, they sang “Silent Night, Holy Night” to papa. Papa was so touched that tears streamed down his face. We did not know that was to be papa’s last Christmas with us.

I would like to end with a letter that papa left behind for us.

Letter from Papa

My dear beloved,

I see countless Christmas trees around the world below,
With tiny lights, like Heaven’s stars, reflecting on the snow.
The sight is so spectacular, be happy for me, the ones I hold so dear,
For I’m spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear,
But the sounds of music can’t compare with the Christmas choir up here.
I have no words to tell you the joy their voices bring,
For it’s beyond description hearing the angels sing.

I’m sending you special gifts from my Heavenly Father above :
I send you each fond memories, and my undying love.
Love is the gift more precious than pure gold;
It was the most important theme in the stories Jesus told.

I know how much you miss me. I feel the pain inside your heart,
But I’m not so very far away. We really aren’t apart.
Don’t weep for me, dear ones, for I’m happy here.
See, Jesus invited me to Heaven for Christmastime this year.

Please love each other dearly, as our Heavenly Father says to do,
For there’s no other way to count the blessigs that He has in store for you.
So, have a Merry Christmas and wipe away your tears.
Be glad for me ……. because I’m with Jesus Christ this year!

from,
your dear papa
25 Dec 2011


________________________________________________________________________

家父張明亮的生平述史

家父張明亮弟兄，祖藉福建省南安縣，1929年10月17日生於柔佛州鐵山 (Sri Medan)。當他十二歲時，父親因重病離開他。因日本時期戰爭之故，與母親及弟妹遷居峇株吧轄。於1951年，與林氏家二女兒林連珠結為夫妻，育有三男五女。

他的工作
曾在Sri Medan華小受四年的教育。於1941年，十二歲那年在 “別有天餐廳” 當學徒，賺取生活費來養活家人。因他的好學精神，十五歲時就當了廚師助手。於1970年，二十歲就當 “別有天餐廳” 當主廚。他在 “別有天餐廳” 共做了29年之久。1970年，與一些朋友們合作開了 “喜臨門餐廳”。十多年後，1983年，又與一些朋友合股開了一間 “雙禧樓”。因他的誠實見證，他當了 “雙禧樓”的財政職位。又經過數年之後，又跟同樣的股東開了另一間 “金禧樓”。於70歲，正式退休，在家享福，與孫子們同樂，直到2011年6月左右，他的身體逐漸虛弱，直到安返天家。

他的格性
他是一位很顧家，文靜，細心的一位好父親。在廚房，幫忙料理家務事，並關心家裡的大小事。他很關心兒女們的出入平安，如：當兒女們回去新加坡之後，他總是三番四次的打電話Call我們：『你們抵達了沒有？高速公路有沒有塞車等等？』然後，他的心就放下，他是一位很負責任的好父親。因此，當兒女的我們，我們常有一個習慣，就是每當我們回到自己的住處時，我們作兒女的也會自動的打電話回家給父親抱平安，免得他擔心。這就是他對兒女所表達的愛。

從年輕到老，他非常誠實與節儉，把省下來的錢，用在兒女們的教育及需要上。從年輕到老，他常騎腳踏車出入工作。從年輕到老，不論還水電費，或去銀行，都由他一人去負責，直到退休為止。

他的得救
於1988年，當二姐佩霞安息後，我爸爸媽媽信了主。一年後，我父親於1989年受洗歸入主耶穌的名下，於1992年全家歸主。感謝主，他89歲的母親後來也信了主，並一年後，她受了洗。 1997年安息主懷。

他最後的聖誕節
最後，於今年12/24晚上，三姐與二位好朋友(媽媽與大哥，Elder Aik Leong & Teo Tiam) 在半夜在我們父親面前 “報佳音” 唱 “平安夜” ，父親聽了流下眼淚，最後，Aik Leong 長老為他作一個禱告。我們也想不到，這是我父親最後一次過聖誕節。

～謝謝～

這是來自我父親的一封信

致我所親愛的家人，

我在天上看下來，
看見許多聖誕樹閃閃發亮，
好漂亮哦，今年我跟耶穌過聖誕節，
親愛的，您們要為我高興。

我在天上也聽到，
你們唱很多聖誕詩歌，
可是你們的聲音比不上天上的聖誕詩班的歌聲,
天使的歌聲好聽到無法形容。

我在天上寄給你很特別的禮物，
我送給你最好的回憶和我不死的愛，
愛的禮物大過一切的精金，
這是耶穌曾在地上常教導我們 ~ 愛的真理。

我知道你們多麼想念我，我可以感覺到你們心裡的痛，
可是我與你們不遠，親愛的，你們不要為我而哭，
因為我在這裡很開心，
你看，耶穌邀請我到天堂與祂一起慶祝今年的聖誕節，

親愛的，你們應當彼此相愛，這是天父所說的，
因為神有很多恩典與祝福，要賜給你們，
所以，你們要過一個沒有眼淚的聖誕節，
你們要為我高興，因為我現在與耶穌同在。

親愛的父親 親筆
2011.12.25

xin nian meng en!

Happy New Year to you!

Yes, I'm back. I had a wonderful time in Batu Pahat catching up with family & friends. But I'm happy to be back in Singapore too ..... because I cannot stand the water & mosquitoes there! The water in BP has a horrible taste and the mosquitoes are attracted to me. I must say that Singapore has spoilt me with its clean water & clean environment.

I terminated my global roaming service last year as I seldom travel out of Singapore. As a result, I received your sms-es only after I arrived in Singapore on Wed. For 7 years, I had paid $5 pm for something I hardly use. Isn't that silly?

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy & peace
as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope
by the power of the Holy Spirit." (Romans 15:13)

here's wishing you a fruitful year,
tsk tsk

balik kampung for CNY

Today I "balik kampung" to Batu Pahat for Chinese New Year. Each year might be my last new year so I will make an effort to go back to my hometown to have reunion dinner with my parents & siblings. One month after my recent lung surgery, I think I should be fit to travel the 3-hour journey by road.

Xin Nian Meng En!
tsk tsk

happy birthday, tsk

According to western tradition, there are 12 days of Christmas. Jesus was born on the 1st day of Christmas - 25 Dec. I was born on the 12th day of Christmas - 5 Jan. Yes, today is my birthday.

Friends know that I do not like to celebrate birthdays. Just an sms or card will do. I prefer to spend a quiet day with the Lord.

But today, I received some surprises. Yesterday night, a friend brought me a small cake & flowers. Today, 2 friends came to share some brief moments with me. Another friend sent a basket of flowers & gifts by delivery. Some sent greeting cards & sms messages. To all who have remembered the day of my humble birth, I say "Thank You."

Tomorrow is D-Day. It's the day I receive the biopsy results. I hope for the best but am prepared for the worst. On this night before D-Day, I am filled with God's peace & presence as I submit myself to God's sovereign will.

"Let the morning bring me word of Your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in You.
Show me the way I should go,
for to You I lift up my soul.
Teach me to do Your will.
for You are my God."
(Psalm 143:8,10)

Lord, into Your hands I commit my life,
tsk tsk

God's food angels

Before my surgery, some friends asked me out of concern. "You live alone, who is going to look after you when you are discharged? What about your meals, who is going to cook for you?" My reply was, "God will provide." And God did.

I know that God will provide. God had provided in the past. This time, God will provide again. I did not make any arrangements for post-surgery care. I did not inform my family in Malaysia about my surgery. I did not wish to cause them unnecessary anxiety or worry. My family does not read my blog as they are all Chinese-educated. Only my elder sister in Singapore & my younger sister in Taipei are aware of my condition.

My job is to rest well & trust my Heavenly Father to provide. My Father's job is to provide all my needs, just as He has promised in Matthew 6:25-34. And He has.

On the day I was discharged, Ai Min offered me her ensuite room with maid services to help me recuperate until I was well enough to look after myself. I was overwhelmed by her love. But I declined her kind offer.

From the day I was discharged, the Lord began to send His food angels. Each day, someone will volunteer to bring me home-cooked food for lunch or dinner. Some brought me groceries or brewed health tonics. Only the Lord could mobilise these food angels to minister to my needs. I am truly touched by their love in action. I feel so blessed to belong to the family of God.

Lord, You are my Jehovah-Jireh. Thank You for providing all my needs.

tsk tsk

open house on 31 Dec 2008

Dear brothers & sisters in Christ

I underwent lung surgery on Mon 22 Dec 2008 to remove some nodules on my right lung. I was discharged on Fri 26 Dec 2008 after 5 days in the hospital. The operation was successful & I am recovering well. All praise & glory be to our God Almighty.

I would like to thank each one of you for standing by me & praying alongside me in my journey through cancer. Some of you had wanted to visit me when I was warded but I had to post a “No Visit” request on my blog in the first 3 days as I was too weak to receive visitors. I was in great pain & discomfort. But I received a Christmas gift from the Lord when my condition improved by leaps & bounds on Christmas Day. Those of you who visited me on Christmas Day were surprised at my quick recovery. Again, all praise & glory be to God.

My BSF Teaching Leader, Yang Ai Fong, suggested holding an Open House at my residence on Wed 31 Dec 2008 from 1pm to 4pm. The purpose of this Open House is to give thanks to God. This Open House will also allow those who had wanted to visit me at the hospital but could not. I understand that some of you had actually planned or gone to visit me at SGH Ward 56 on Sunday thinking that I was still warded!

Open House means free-and-easy, you may come & go as you wish. Some simple food & drinks will be provided. Ai Fong had graciously volunteered to bake a turkey, to make up for my spending Christmas in the hospital!

I would like to invite you to this Open House. This Open House is open to anyone who would like to visit me. I will post this invitation on my blog too as I do not have everyone’s email addresses. RSVP is not required.

Here are the details of the Open House :

Date : Wed 31 Dec 2008
Time : 1pm – 4pm
Venue : Hillview Regency (please sms for full address)
Request : please DO NOT bring any gifts as there is no more space in my small humble apartment.

(If you are driving, you will be directed by the security guards to park on Level 4 & above at the multi-storey carpark. Ground-level parking is for residents only. Take the carpark lift to the ground floor, the first tower you see is Tower 1A.)

thank you for walking with me through this journey,
sockkim

fibroids & tumour markers

If I had not done the PET scan in March, I would not have known there were 5 "babies" (fibroids) sitting in my womb. With God, nothing happens by chance or coincidence. God will lead us to know what He wants us to know when He wants us to know.

This morning I had my 2nd follow-up consultation at O&G, SGH. As usual, I did a womb ultrasound. The results showed the 5 "babies" were still there but had not grown larger; in a sense, this was "good news". The report also revealed a 3cm cyst on the right ovary. As the cyst was less than 5cm, there was no need to take any action now.

But as an added precaution, my gynae arranged for me to do blood tests on the following tumour markers : AFP (alpha foeto protein), CEA (carcino-embryonic antigen) & CA-125. These tumour markers are used to monitor the presence of cancer in the liver, colon & ovary respectively. I thought there was no harm in doing more tests. I would know the results in my next follow-up visit in August.

In the afternoon, a few of us met at Irene's home for tea fellowship. Irene had just returned from a cruise holiday & will be returning to her other home in KL next week. PS, my previous cancer manager, will be leaving for her missions trip to East Timor next week too. And Ruby looks refreshed after her recent church camp in Melaka. These lovely ladies from BSF had walked with me in my journey through cancer. They are my angels, my pillars of support.

I don't have a family in Singapore but God gives me friends who stand by me through thick & thin. They are my spiritual family.

thank You, Lord.
tsk tsk

hello, what happened to you, huh?

My thousand apologies for not updating this blog for so long. To all my friends & prayer supporters out there, thanks for the gentle reminder that I have not been doing my job. What have I been up to? What has kept me busy? How am I doing? I hope this posting will answer your questions.

My life is more or less back to normal. My job as a remisier cum financial advisor has kept me pretty busy in this current hot stockmarket. My health has improved, mainly because I can now eat any food I want (as long as no chillie). At this time last year, I was still on liquid milk & "sick" of it.....so "sick" that my weight went drastically down to 41kg by May 2007. I now weigh 46-47kg. This was my usual weight before cancer. I am happy to keep to this weight as I don't have to change my wardrobe!

Below is a snapshot of the main events since my last posting on 7 Nov 07.

14 Nov 07 : Liver scan showed a small cyst. It could be the same cyst that was spotted on my liver before I started radiation. Dr Wong said it looked like a harmless bubble or water cyst, just like some people have spots or pimples on their face. She said some people have cysts on their livers without knowing, so not to worry about it. So what next? To do ultrasound in a year's time.

1 Dec 07 : Attended a church friend's 60th birthday party. It was organised with the theme "Back in the 1960's". Everyone was expected to come dressed in the 1960's outfit! And the songs played & sung that night were the 1960's hits ..... one favourite oldie was Theresa Teng's "Yueliang DaiBiao Wode Xin".

5 Dec 07 : Someone at the above party told me that Qigong was a good health-maintenance exercise for cancer survivors. So this morning, I followed this couple to Pierce Reservoir. But we ended up doing normal stretching exercise as the Qigong master did not come. I need to do more research on Qigong as I do not know if there are aspects of Qigong that are not biblical.

10 Dec 07 : Met up with my former Imperial College classmates for lunch - Alex & Siok Peng. Believe it or not, we had probably not met for the last 10 years or so, although the 3 of us are in Singapore. Imperial College had its anniversary celebration here recently but I didn't go. My former lecturer-cum-supervisor, Anne Benjamin flew in but I didn't get to meet her, although we did have a brief chat over the phone (Anne, if you are reading this, do contact me again the next time you come to Spore).

13 Dec 07 : Appointment with dermatalogist. My skin has become ultra-sensitive to chemicals. My right thumb & thumbnail are badly affected. Henceforth, need to wear gloves to do housework to avoid direct contact with chemicals. Unrelated to my skin problem, I can still feel electric current running down my right arm from time to time, although less frequently now after I started taking Vit B12 complex. My left thumb feels numb & painful occasionally. These are some of the changes taking place in my body which I'm getting used to. It's part of the late & long-term side effects of radiation.

15 Dec 07 : Attended Christmas party held by NCC for cancer survivors (NCC = National Cancer Centre). Good fun, good food, good prizes, big crowd. It was good to see so many cancer survivors coming to enjoy themselves. All my life, I was never "lucky" in winning lucky-draw prizes. In the past, I had attended functions such as company D&D; everyone at my table would win a prize except yours truly. But at the NCC Christmas party, I won 2 prizes! There were 88 prizes. I won the 66th & 8th prizes. How come I won 2 prizes? For the top 10 prizes, everyone's names were thrown in for a re-draw, which meant some survivors would have a chance to win a 2nd prize. I was one of them! Someone commented my "luck" had turned around for the better. But as a Christian, I don't believe in "luck". I believe that God is sovereign & is in full control of my life. Nothing in my life happens by chance or "luck".

Nov-Dec 07 : I had also been busy experimenting with cooking & baking. I would most likely be hosting CNY reunion dinner again next year, so I need to plan my CNY menu now. Besides my signature chocolate pudding cake, people love my pandan kaya cake. Friends would get invited to taste some of these yummy dishes & cakes on one condition - don't ask or pester me for secret recipes! Just eat & enjoy!

I hope to post my last thoughts for 2007 before the year is out.

thanks for walking with me through 2007,
tsk tsk

the story of grandma

I have no memory of grandma. I had seen a picture of grandma in mum's photo album. She looked like any gentle, loving grandma any child would adore. I had heard from my aunts & uncles grandma loved children. I was told grandma died when I was a little girl. No wonder I have no fond memories of grandma.

Recently, while talking with mum about grandma, it seemed to me like grandma had shown symptoms similar to what we know today as nose cancer. Grandma started to suffer from nose bleeding when she was in her 40's. But her illness became worse & she died 5 years later. Mum said grandpa had brought grandma to Singapore for medical treatment. From what mum described, it seemed like grandma went through something like radiotherapy. I thought to myself, it must be nose cancer then. But somehow, in those days people didn't call it "ai" (cancer) but "gum" in Hokkien. I learned from a friend that "gum" is the old Hokkien word for "cancer". I see, so I've learned something new that I've never known before.

This information is important. One, it seems like I've inherited grandma's genes. Two, it means that genetically, nose cancer might run in my family. Three, it has answered the pertinent question in my mind all this while - how in the world did I get nose cancer? Breast cancer, yes but nose cancer? Now I have the answer.

My oncologist was right. I remember asking him this question, "What is the cause of cancer?" And his straightforward answer was, "Genetics, environment, lifestyle, in this order."

Lord, I pray that in Your mighty power, You will stop this cancer from perpetuating itself in my family, both now & in the future. Amen.

tsk tsk

first anniversary

Today is the first anniversary of the end of my radiation. I completed my 33 sessions of IMRT one year ago on 30 Oct 2006. It was a Monday.

I can still remember vividly the surprise party that PS & the gang had organised to celebrate the end of my radiation. PS & Cyndi went with me to SGH. PS drove me home after the treatment. When I reached home, I was greeted by many colourful balloons in my apartment. Who put up the balloons? I was wondering then. I felt that something strange was going on, but did not suspect anything. Mum was in the kitchen but she acted normally. There were no shoes outside the door so it did not arouse my suspicion. But on the way to my bedroom, I got a shock. Coming out of the room one-by-one were the BSF beauties. They had come to celebrate the successful completion of my radiation. I was so touched I wanted to cry.

These were the 9 ladies who made time to be with me : PS, Chuay Fen, Angie, Weng Yin, Cyndi, Kim Ho, Jo Chee, Susan, Shelly. We praised God through songs & prayers. Good thing I had some leftovers of my signature cake, so we ate that as we fellowshiped.

Lord, thank You for being there with me during those painful days.

tsk tsk

happy birthday, shuli

happy birthday to you .....

selamat hari jadi .....

zhunin shenri kuaile .....

janmadina mubārak ho .....

hello shuli, this is my birthday song to you, sung in 4 languages (ahem, the last one is Hindi.......impressed?).

May you continue to give glory to God with your voice.

"I will sing to the Lord, I will sing; I will make music to the Lord, the God of Israel" (Judges 5:3b, "The Song of Deborah").

God-blessed birthday,
shuqin

happy birthday, angels!

I cooked lunch for Ah Bee & PS today. It was my belated birthday gift to these 2 July babies.

Guess what I cooked? Hmmm......beef char kway teow. Was it delicious? Ask them. Well, maybe this is an indication --- Ah Bee "dabao" the leftovers.

a God-blessed birthday, angels!
tsk tsk

BPians met for lunch

A good, old friend is in town. Brother Kock Hong was a pastor for many years in Malaysia, Singapore & the States. He did his PhD in the States & is now an associate professor of Marital & Family Therapy at Bethel Seminary San Diego. He is on a teaching trip to Malaysia & Singapore before returning to the States on Wed.

Wah Kam, Fong Yin & I met up with Kock Hong over lunch. All of us are fellow BPians. WK & FY were KH's former classmates & they had not met for some 30 years or so. As for me, how did I get to know KH? It was during my Youth Fellowship days at Saving Grace Church (as it was known then before it changed its name to Gereja Grace BP). As the then secretary of YF, I frequently invited KH to speak at our YF meetings. That was the start of our many years of friendship.

Ask any BPian, the chances are they are very passionate about their hometown. Batu Pahat is a small but vibrant town on the west coast of Johor. It used to be a quiet, sleepy town with no shopping malls, few cars & lots of bicycles during my growing-up years. In those days, almost everyone owned a bicycle as it was the only mode of transport. Today, almost every home, rich or poor, owns at least one car. No one cycles anymore. And mega shopping malls now spring up all over the town to compete for shoppers. The town is booming & the population is also growing. Batu Pahat is the 2nd largest town in the state of Johor, after Johor Bahru. And the town is affectionately known as BP by Johoreans.

Ask any Singaporean who has heard of Batu Pahat & their immediate response is usually this, "Batu Pahat is a town of talents!" Yes, BP has gained that reputation over the years. BP is known for producing doctors. There are many of them in Singapore. It was in BP that UMNO was founded in 1946. And BP produced the 3rd Prime Minister of Malaysia - Datuk Hussein Onn (his father Onn Jaafar was the founder of UMNO).

Back to my story, I am happy to have met Kock Hong today. It has been umpteen years since we last met. As one grows older, one begins to appreciate old friendships. So my advice to one & all : value your relationships with family & friends. I thank God for giving me family & friends. They are the ones who stood by me during my recent crisis.

thanks for journeying with me,
tsk tsk

still 43kg but can eat better now

The 4-weeks mid-year school break started this week. The same goes for BSF. But BSF break is one week longer. After teaching for the past 16 weeks, this was a long-awaited breather. I think God had made us in such a way that we need to recharge our batteries. Our bodies need a break from work.

My schedule is quite full for the first 2 weeks. On Tue (29 May), I went to do a mammogram & ultra-sound at SGH. This is an annual routine. The doctor will review the results with me on 15 Jun. I don't think I have the mental strength to take another health blow, so please pray with me that there will be no bad news.

On Wed (30 May) morning, I went back to see my dentist to follow-up on my teeth. In the afternoon, I had an appointment with a nutritionist recommended by a friend. It was just a casual discussion on food nutrition. Nothing much came out of it. There is nothing new that I do not already know.

Thurs (31 May) was Vesak public holiday. I normally reward myself by sleeping longer on public holidays.....woke up at 10am. A full day of rest? No such luxury as I had asked my sister & her family to come over for dinner. I had planned to serve them Thai cuisine. That was why I was so busy running about the last few days buying all the necessary stuff. When I woke up, I noticed an sms message from Yong Foon (from my DG). She said she had cooked fish porridge & would be bringing it over for my lunch. How sweet of her! It was so timely as I was then wondering what to eat for lunch. And I had no time to cook lunch as I had to start preparing the ingredients. God is so good. He always sees to my needs. I spent the whole afternoon cooking. What is most satisfying to me is to see people enjoying the food so much they want more! You feeling hungry already, right? I wished I could invite all of you over.

This was the 2nd time I cooked a feast for my family. The 1st time was on CNY eve (17 Feb) when I cooked Reunion dinner. At that time, I could only sit at a corner & see my family enjoy the food I cooked. I was so hungry then but I couldn't take a bite. I could only drink soup. Sounds so pitiful, right? But this time, it was so different -- I could join in the makan. I give thanks to God for the small improvements I experience each day. I can now eat more & better. It has been some 7 months since the end of radiation. I have experienced God's goodness, grace & power in my life. All glory be to God!

thanks for journeying with me,
tsk tsk

good ole friends from BP

Today is Coronation Day in Malaysia. The 13th king is being installed as the new Agung. What has that got to do with me in Singapore? Nothing actually, except that I was expecting 2 visitors from Batu Pahat. Being a public holiday in Malaysia, these 2 friends of mine are taking the opportunity to visit me. And they brought mum with them as well.

Elder Lim is an old-time friend since my school days in Batu Pahat. I got to know his wife Swee Lan, who came from Pontian, when they both were undergoing training at the teachers' college in JB. That was in the 1970's. How nostalgic!

Elder Lim & his wife worship at Gereja Grace Batu Pahat (GGBP), my home church. In those days, the church was just an English congregation within the Chinese-speaking Saving Grace Presbyterian Church. GGBP has since grown up & become independent. Elder Lim was the first & longest-serving elder in GGBP. GGBP in turn also started a Mandarin-speaking congregation which has also become an independent church called "Endian Tang". Swee Lan is a serving deacon at Endian Tang.

So today they are spending the day with me. We had a good time fellowshiping & catching up with each other. Elder Lim's life is always full of adventures. Today is no exception. While driving back to Malaysia, he got lost in Woodlands. Don't know how he got himself from BKE to Woodlands heartland; but as with most adventures, he would always get back on track again, after some exciting & anxious moments!

See you folks in BP one day......to think of it, I've not been back to BP for more than a year.

thanks for journeying with me,
tsk tsk

A visit from a good old friend

A good old friend is in town & I had arranged to meet him for breakfast after my BSF leaders' meeting this morning. He is Rev Dr Lee Ken Ang. Dr Lee was the former principal of Malaysia Bible Seminary. After he returned from his sabbatical leave in the USA, he started a new ministry called Gospel Culture Centre & travels widely all over the world to give talks & lectures. Those who have been to world-renowned evangelist, Dr Stephen Tong's gospel rallies would have spotted Dr Lee as the ever-fluent interpreter. Dr Lee has written 12 books (all in Chinese), 2 of which are in the bestsellers' list. You may read more in his Chinese-based website : www.gospelculturecentre.com.

Dr Lee & I had a wonderful time catching up. It has been some years since we last met. He shared about his ministry work which has been much blessed by the Lord. May the Lord continue to use him as His instrument to bless others.

thanks for journeying with me,
tsk tsk

Xin Nian Meng En!

It was the first time my family came down to have reunion dinner in Singapore. It was my first time preparing & cooking for a reunion dinner too, all by myself. It was hard work but I enjoyed cooking for my loved ones. My friends know I can't cook. In fact, I haven't cooked for the past 10 years or so. Ironically, both my dad & uncle (my dad's only brother) were restaurant chefs, but too bad none of us inherited their genes!

My friends are curious to know what I cooked on Chinese New Year's Eve. Here is the menu (5 dishes + 1 dessert) : Vegetable Deluxe, Chicken Stew, Crispy Yam Ring, Butter Prawns, Sweet Corn Soup & Eight Treasures Dessert. Sound delicious? To give you an idea, it took me one whole day to cook but it took less than one hour for the food to be gobbled up! So what is your verdict?

In between, I still found the time to bake my signature TSK cake (The Superb Kim's Cake?) and the Golden Flakes cookies. They are a hit with my family & friends. You can't find these delicacies in the shops. Why not make these to sell? A possible home business? For some time already, I had thought of early retirement & to do something different. But my illness had put my plans on hold; it had made me rethink about how I should make some changes to my life. I'm praying for the Lord's directions on my future.

thanks for journeying with me,
tsk tsk

Reunion Dinner in Singapore

When friends learned that I would not be going home to Batu Pahat for the coming Lunar New Year, some invited me to join them for their Reunion Dinner. Such is the warmth of Singaporeans to a single Malaysian girl! I am truly touched by the love & concern shown to me.

But on Wednesday, my family called to say they would be coming down to Singapore on New Year's Eve to have Reunion Dinner at my place. See how God works? I am excited to host a Reunion Dinner for the first time. Hmm, what should I cook for the dinner? I have one week to plan & shop. Not that I am a good cook, but it's such a blessing & joy to cook for my loved ones.

thanks for journeying with me,
tsk tsk

Thank God for BSF

Two fellow BSFers visited me today. Lily Yang & Suiling were in my BSF group way back in 2000/2001 when we were studying the book of Matthew. We have been keeping in touch all these years. Lily is teaching at Singapore Poly & during her term breaks, both of us will go for our weekly walks at either the Bukit Batok Nature Park or Little Guilin Park. Suiling, a dental surgeon, will join us occasionally.

I thank God for BSF (Bible Study Fellowship). BSF International has its headquarters in San Antonio, Texas, USA. BSF started in 1953 & has grown to 1000 classes worldwide today. There are now 15 classes in Singapore, going on to 16. I have been in BSF since Feb 1995. I was called to be a Discussion Leader in 1998. After serving as a DL for 5 years, I switched over to be a Children's Leader. Through BSF, I have not only learned more of God & His Word, I've also loved God & His Word more. I have also made a number of good friends at BSF. This is one good memory about Singapore I will take with me should God call me to leave Singapore one day.

thanks for journeying with me,
tsk tsk