Before my surgery, some friends asked me out of concern. "You live alone, who is going to look after you when you are discharged? What about your meals, who is going to cook for you?" My reply was, "God will provide." And God did.
I know that God will provide. God had provided in the past. This time, God will provide again. I did not make any arrangements for post-surgery care. I did not inform my family in Malaysia about my surgery. I did not wish to cause them unnecessary anxiety or worry. My family does not read my blog as they are all Chinese-educated. Only my elder sister in Singapore & my younger sister in Taipei are aware of my condition.
My job is to rest well & trust my Heavenly Father to provide. My Father's job is to provide all my needs, just as He has promised in Matthew 6:25-34. And He has.
On the day I was discharged, Ai Min offered me her ensuite room with maid services to help me recuperate until I was well enough to look after myself. I was overwhelmed by her love. But I declined her kind offer.
From the day I was discharged, the Lord began to send His food angels. Each day, someone will volunteer to bring me home-cooked food for lunch or dinner. Some brought me groceries or brewed health tonics. Only the Lord could mobilise these food angels to minister to my needs. I am truly touched by their love in action. I feel so blessed to belong to the family of God.
Lord, You are my Jehovah-Jireh. Thank You for providing all my needs.
tsk tsk
Showing posts with label testimony. Show all posts
Showing posts with label testimony. Show all posts
Monday, 29 December 2008
Saturday, 27 December 2008
a word of thanks to PS
Hi everyone, this is tsk. I am back.
I was discharged on Friday, 26 Dec 2008 after 5 days in the hospital. I am happy to be home. I am thankful to the Lord for all that He has done.
While I was hospitalised, PS had worked hard to keep this blog going so you could keep praying for me. "A friend in need is a friend indeed." "There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother" (Prov 18:24b) - these aptly describe my dear friend PS.
At the hospital, PS kept a daily vigil at my bedside, praying for me & sharing my pain with silent tears. She was an angel sent by God, always appearing at the right time when I was in a critical state or when I needed company. On the day of my discharge, PS spent the whole day with me at home, cleaned up my apartment, arranged with Ai Fong to deliver my dinner & made sure I was well enough to look after myself before she made her way home. And she is a mother of three.
BTW, it's time to reveal the true identity of PS - her real name is Phaik Sue. The nurses saw her everyday so one day one of them asked if we were sisters. PS replied, "We have the same Father but we are not sisters." Yes, we are sisters-in-Christ. PS hailed from Melaka, I from Batu Pahat but we met in Singapore through BSF. I thank God for BSF. BSF has given me not only spiritual food but a support group of sisters who have rallied around me in my journey through cancer.
PS, thanks for your love & the sacrifices you have made in looking after me in my time of illness. Lord, thank You for bringing PS into my life.
To all who have prayed & pleaded with the Lord for me, thank you. I know that God has heard all your prayers for I have recovered faster than I had expected.
All praise & glory be to our God.
tsk tsk
I was discharged on Friday, 26 Dec 2008 after 5 days in the hospital. I am happy to be home. I am thankful to the Lord for all that He has done.
While I was hospitalised, PS had worked hard to keep this blog going so you could keep praying for me. "A friend in need is a friend indeed." "There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother" (Prov 18:24b) - these aptly describe my dear friend PS.
At the hospital, PS kept a daily vigil at my bedside, praying for me & sharing my pain with silent tears. She was an angel sent by God, always appearing at the right time when I was in a critical state or when I needed company. On the day of my discharge, PS spent the whole day with me at home, cleaned up my apartment, arranged with Ai Fong to deliver my dinner & made sure I was well enough to look after myself before she made her way home. And she is a mother of three.
BTW, it's time to reveal the true identity of PS - her real name is Phaik Sue. The nurses saw her everyday so one day one of them asked if we were sisters. PS replied, "We have the same Father but we are not sisters." Yes, we are sisters-in-Christ. PS hailed from Melaka, I from Batu Pahat but we met in Singapore through BSF. I thank God for BSF. BSF has given me not only spiritual food but a support group of sisters who have rallied around me in my journey through cancer.
PS, thanks for your love & the sacrifices you have made in looking after me in my time of illness. Lord, thank You for bringing PS into my life.
"...... I was sick and you looked after Me .............
whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine,
you did for Me." (Matt 25:36, 40)
To all who have prayed & pleaded with the Lord for me, thank you. I know that God has heard all your prayers for I have recovered faster than I had expected.
All praise & glory be to our God.
tsk tsk
Saturday, 20 December 2008
life may be unfair but God is good
On this night before I am admitted to SGH tomorrow for a lung surgery, my mind travels back to the events of the last 2 years.
- I discovered I had nose cancer (NPC) in Aug 2006.
- I underwent 8 weeks of radiation treatment in Sep-Oct 2006.
- The MRI scan done in Jan 2007 confirmed the nasopharynx area behind my nose was clear of tumour.
- My first annual CT scan in Sep 2007 showed sub-cm tiny nodules in the right lung.
- A follow-up lung scan in Mar 2008 confirmed 2 nodules in the right lung, "suspicious of metastasis".
- PET scan done in Mar 2008 could not determine if the nodules were malignant.
- My second annual CT scan done in Nov 2008 made the same conclusion, "suspicious of pulmonary metastasis".
- My oncologist referred me to see a lung surgeon.
- On 11 Dec 2008, Dr Koong advised that the nodules should be removed as soon as possible.
- The surgery was fixed on 22 Dec 2008.
In the 2 months between Nov & Dec 2008, there was fear & anxiety within me as I tried to make sense of what was happening. But as I confide my fears & anxieties to the Lord, I begin to feel God's peace & presence within me.
I learned from my oncologist that rarely does NPC spread to the lungs. According to him, the number of such cases so far could be counted with one hand. And one of them has to be me.
Why is life so unfair? I recently read an RBC booklet of the same title, based on the story of Asaph who wrote Psalm 73. Incidentally, one of my favourite verses is Psalm 73:26 - "My flesh & my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart & my portion forever."
Life may be unfair but God is good. God has been my Strength in times of adversity. God has been my Hope when everything seems hopeless. God has been my Peace when my heart is gripped with fear & uncertainty.
Life may be unfair but I will trust my loving Father all the way. This is because I know that God is too wise to make mistakes; God is too good to make me suffer for no reason or purpose.
I pray that it will not be cancer. Even if it is, I will still love the Lord my God with all my heart. Daniel's words came to mind :
As I lie on the operating table on Monday morning, I know that you will be on your knees praying for me. I know that the Lord will be with me in the operating room. God is our Creator, our Divine Physician, our Healer."If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and He will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if He does not, we want you to know that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up." (Daniel 3:17-18)
See you all after my surgery,
tsk tsk
Sunday, 12 October 2008
time out from BSF
“My son asked if you could teach him again next year. I told him you are leaving BSF,” one BSF leader told me at the Leaders' Meeting yesterday.
These words warmed my heart. God has indeed impacted the life of this boy. Teaching the Senior Level at the BSF school program has been very fulfilling. It is a joy to see young people yearning to know God & hungering for His Word. It is an encouragement to see them growing in the Lord. I am thankful I can be a part of this boy’s spiritual journey with God.
Doing God's work has its share of discouragements too. But our Heavenly Father knows how to handle them. In my 10 years as a BSF leader, God had never failed to send someone to lift me up whenever I had felt like quitting. Last year, God sent a 7-year-old boy to encourage me when I had thought of leaving BSF (see blog entry on 28 Aug 2007).
Yes, I am leaving BSF after 10 long years of service. This is the 3rd time I have asked the Lord for permission to leave. This time He granted my request. I call it my one-year sabbatical but my BSF co-labourers call it a secondment. I need time out from BSF to settle some earthly business before the Lord calls me home. Like the prophet Elijah, I also feel burnt-out & need a personal retreat with God to reflect, to refresh, to rejuvenate. And if God willing, I would like to go back to school not to earn another degree but to equip myself further for God's service.
Nose Cancer Support Group
Another reason for my sabbatical was because I felt the calling to commit one year of my life to serve in the NPC Support Group. NPC-SG is a nose cancer support group under the auspices of the National Cancer Centre (NCC). This support group was set up in 2005 to provide an environment for emotional support & sharing of experiences among NPC patients & survivors. It organises talks & activities to help patients & survivors cope with nose cancer (NPC = nasopharyngeal or nose cancer).
I have been with this support group for the last 2 years. We meet on the 1st Friday of the month at the NCC premises. I believe it's important for cancer survivors to meet other survivors who share the same experiences, walk the same journey & speak the same language. Life after cancer is a totally new experience for every survivor; there are anxieties, challenges & frustrations along the way. The cancer support group is the place to meet similar people who understand what we are going through & remind us that we are not alone.
With the growing membership, the NPC-SG committee has felt the need to set up a website. But this project has been put on hold for 2 years as no suitable person with writing ability could be found. The committee chairman approached me for help as he felt I could contribute in this area. I thought & prayed hard. It took me many months before I said yes. I wasn't sure if I could be fully committed. I will simply take one step at a time, trusting God to lead me to do what He wants me to do.
tsk tsk
These words warmed my heart. God has indeed impacted the life of this boy. Teaching the Senior Level at the BSF school program has been very fulfilling. It is a joy to see young people yearning to know God & hungering for His Word. It is an encouragement to see them growing in the Lord. I am thankful I can be a part of this boy’s spiritual journey with God.
Doing God's work has its share of discouragements too. But our Heavenly Father knows how to handle them. In my 10 years as a BSF leader, God had never failed to send someone to lift me up whenever I had felt like quitting. Last year, God sent a 7-year-old boy to encourage me when I had thought of leaving BSF (see blog entry on 28 Aug 2007).
Yes, I am leaving BSF after 10 long years of service. This is the 3rd time I have asked the Lord for permission to leave. This time He granted my request. I call it my one-year sabbatical but my BSF co-labourers call it a secondment. I need time out from BSF to settle some earthly business before the Lord calls me home. Like the prophet Elijah, I also feel burnt-out & need a personal retreat with God to reflect, to refresh, to rejuvenate. And if God willing, I would like to go back to school not to earn another degree but to equip myself further for God's service.
Nose Cancer Support Group
Another reason for my sabbatical was because I felt the calling to commit one year of my life to serve in the NPC Support Group. NPC-SG is a nose cancer support group under the auspices of the National Cancer Centre (NCC). This support group was set up in 2005 to provide an environment for emotional support & sharing of experiences among NPC patients & survivors. It organises talks & activities to help patients & survivors cope with nose cancer (NPC = nasopharyngeal or nose cancer).
I have been with this support group for the last 2 years. We meet on the 1st Friday of the month at the NCC premises. I believe it's important for cancer survivors to meet other survivors who share the same experiences, walk the same journey & speak the same language. Life after cancer is a totally new experience for every survivor; there are anxieties, challenges & frustrations along the way. The cancer support group is the place to meet similar people who understand what we are going through & remind us that we are not alone.
With the growing membership, the NPC-SG committee has felt the need to set up a website. But this project has been put on hold for 2 years as no suitable person with writing ability could be found. The committee chairman approached me for help as he felt I could contribute in this area. I thought & prayed hard. It took me many months before I said yes. I wasn't sure if I could be fully committed. I will simply take one step at a time, trusting God to lead me to do what He wants me to do.
tsk tsk
Saturday, 16 August 2008
life after cancer.....2 years on
Today is a nostalgic day. On this day 2 years ago, I was told I had nasopharyngeal cancer. The memories are still fresh. That unexpected news opened a new chapter in my life. Life after cancer has never been the same. Cancer treatment took only 2 months but the after-effects of radiotherapy continue to affect every facet of my life even today.
The most severe after-effect is xerostomia or dry mouth condition. I have only about 70% of saliva in my mouth compared to that of a normal person. We have often taken our saliva for granted, oblivious to its multiple God-given benefits. Without saliva, we will find it difficult to eat, swallow or talk. Without saliva, our teeth & gum will become extra-sensitive & will be prone to dental decay.
God has given us every part in our human body for a purpose. If any part is missing or breaks down, our body will not function properly. It takes a divine mind to think of everything our body needs. Our God is a great God.
How do I survive with lack of saliva in my mouth? I need to sip water throughout the day. I need water, soup or gravy to go with my food. I must remember to bring a bottle of water when I go out. In places where drinking water is not allowed, such as in buses or trains, I will use a spray to wet my dry mouth.
Life after cancer has been full of challenges as I learn to live with all the changes. The journey to recovery would not have been possible without God's faithfulness & all your prayerful support.
Thank you, dear family & friends, for standing solidly by me these 2 years.
tsk tsk
The most severe after-effect is xerostomia or dry mouth condition. I have only about 70% of saliva in my mouth compared to that of a normal person. We have often taken our saliva for granted, oblivious to its multiple God-given benefits. Without saliva, we will find it difficult to eat, swallow or talk. Without saliva, our teeth & gum will become extra-sensitive & will be prone to dental decay.
God has given us every part in our human body for a purpose. If any part is missing or breaks down, our body will not function properly. It takes a divine mind to think of everything our body needs. Our God is a great God.
How do I survive with lack of saliva in my mouth? I need to sip water throughout the day. I need water, soup or gravy to go with my food. I must remember to bring a bottle of water when I go out. In places where drinking water is not allowed, such as in buses or trains, I will use a spray to wet my dry mouth.
Life after cancer has been full of challenges as I learn to live with all the changes. The journey to recovery would not have been possible without God's faithfulness & all your prayerful support.
Thank you, dear family & friends, for standing solidly by me these 2 years.
tsk tsk
Friday, 8 August 2008
my cough is gone
After some 3 weeks, my dry ticklish cough was finally gone.
This is my self-medication. I ate 1-2 china pears a day. I sipped freshly-brewed chrysanthemum drink the whole day. My TCM physician added a herb to my prescription. I gargled with salt water. God worked behind the scene. And my cough gradually dissipated.
During those 3 weeks, I again experienced God's miraculous touch. My ticklish throat miraculously cleared each time it was my turn to teach at the BSF school program; my cough was miraculously put on hold during my recent dental follow-up at NDC. Outside these situations, my ticklish cough would resume. It couldn't have happened without divine hands at work.
Thank you all for praying with me.
Thank You Lord for healing me.
tsk tsk
This is my self-medication. I ate 1-2 china pears a day. I sipped freshly-brewed chrysanthemum drink the whole day. My TCM physician added a herb to my prescription. I gargled with salt water. God worked behind the scene. And my cough gradually dissipated.
During those 3 weeks, I again experienced God's miraculous touch. My ticklish throat miraculously cleared each time it was my turn to teach at the BSF school program; my cough was miraculously put on hold during my recent dental follow-up at NDC. Outside these situations, my ticklish cough would resume. It couldn't have happened without divine hands at work.
Thank you all for praying with me.
Thank You Lord for healing me.
tsk tsk
Friday, 13 June 2008
"Tempur" magic pillow
Do you experience pain & aches on your neck & shoulders? I do. And the radiotherapy treatment I received in 2006 worsened my condition. I ended up with stiff neck.
The acupuncture I received was quite effective in relieving the pain & aches. But somehow the relief wears off & I would need to go back for some more acupuncture.
Then Irene Tan, my "emergency angel" came to my rescue. She read about my neck problem on this blog & emailed to tell me about how "Tempur" pillow saved her from a critical neck problem some years back. Her story convinced me. So off I went to look for this magic pillow.
It was such good timing for the Great Singapore Sale (GSS) is now on. I bought the pillow at Robinsons at a 10% GSS discount (with a further 5% discount for Robinsons cardholder). The pillow works like magic. Believe it or not, my neck pain & aches disappeared the first night I slept on it. It's simply amazing! This Tempur pillow is so effective. I now wake up each morning without any neck pain & aches. It looks like I won't need to go for acupuncture from now on.
p/s : Prices before 10% discount. Medium-size = $279. Large-size = $299. There is a 3-year warranty. Beware of fakes or copycats in the market. The genuine Tempur pillow is sold only at established departmental stores like Robinsons, Takashimaya, OG & Tangs. To know more about this magic pillow, please go to http://www.tempur.com.sg/.
Lord, thank You that now I can sleep soundly every night.
tsk tsk
The acupuncture I received was quite effective in relieving the pain & aches. But somehow the relief wears off & I would need to go back for some more acupuncture.
Then Irene Tan, my "emergency angel" came to my rescue. She read about my neck problem on this blog & emailed to tell me about how "Tempur" pillow saved her from a critical neck problem some years back. Her story convinced me. So off I went to look for this magic pillow.
It was such good timing for the Great Singapore Sale (GSS) is now on. I bought the pillow at Robinsons at a 10% GSS discount (with a further 5% discount for Robinsons cardholder). The pillow works like magic. Believe it or not, my neck pain & aches disappeared the first night I slept on it. It's simply amazing! This Tempur pillow is so effective. I now wake up each morning without any neck pain & aches. It looks like I won't need to go for acupuncture from now on.
p/s : Prices before 10% discount. Medium-size = $279. Large-size = $299. There is a 3-year warranty. Beware of fakes or copycats in the market. The genuine Tempur pillow is sold only at established departmental stores like Robinsons, Takashimaya, OG & Tangs. To know more about this magic pillow, please go to http://www.tempur.com.sg/.
Lord, thank You that now I can sleep soundly every night.
tsk tsk
Wednesday, 28 May 2008
death planning
When I told my friends I was going to spend my BSF break in June doing "death planning", some thought I sounded so morbid while others felt I was so brave to face this forbidden subject.
"Death planning" means planning in the event of death. It includes writing a will, planning for wakes & funerals, leaving instructions how you would like to be preserved on earth (burial or cremation), choosing your favourite hymns, preparing your final speech, saying your last goodbyes. For me, I need to think seriously where I would like to hold my funeral, be buried or cremated, in Singapore or Malaysia - as both countries are very close to my heart.
No living person likes to openly discuss their death. But then this is the reality of life; we never know when God will call us home. There are 3 ways one can die : accident, illness, old age. The trouble is we can't choose how we would like to die. The recent Sichuan earthquake is a good example of how one can die suddenly without the chance to say goodbye to one's family & friends. The lesson is we should be prepared to die anytime. When our time on earth is up, then it's time to go home to eternity. Eternity can be heaven or hell. To my friends who are not Christians, do you know where you will be going after you die - heaven or hell? Jesus is the only passport to heaven. You need to believe in Jesus if you want to go to heaven. This is because the Bible says "Jesus is the way, the truth and the life." (John 14:6)
The irony of life is that some of us are "poor" when we are alive but we are "rich" when we die. What do I mean? If you have done your estate planning or written your will, you will discover that you will leave behind your property, CPF and other savings which might easily add up to a million dollars. We work & work all our lives trying to earn a decent living to feed a family, to pay off mortgages, to settle medical bills & other commitments but when we die, we leave behind money for others to enjoy. And this is the money we need most now when we are alive. This is the irony of life.
I've been wanting to write a will for a long time. It was my recent cancer experience that reminded me not to delay anymore. I have been praying about this since then, asking the Lord how He would like me to give away His money in the event I die. I pray that the Lord will guide me to make the right decision.
"Lord, all I have comes from You. Show me how You like me to use Your money to bless others after I die."
tsk tsk
"Death planning" means planning in the event of death. It includes writing a will, planning for wakes & funerals, leaving instructions how you would like to be preserved on earth (burial or cremation), choosing your favourite hymns, preparing your final speech, saying your last goodbyes. For me, I need to think seriously where I would like to hold my funeral, be buried or cremated, in Singapore or Malaysia - as both countries are very close to my heart.
No living person likes to openly discuss their death. But then this is the reality of life; we never know when God will call us home. There are 3 ways one can die : accident, illness, old age. The trouble is we can't choose how we would like to die. The recent Sichuan earthquake is a good example of how one can die suddenly without the chance to say goodbye to one's family & friends. The lesson is we should be prepared to die anytime. When our time on earth is up, then it's time to go home to eternity. Eternity can be heaven or hell. To my friends who are not Christians, do you know where you will be going after you die - heaven or hell? Jesus is the only passport to heaven. You need to believe in Jesus if you want to go to heaven. This is because the Bible says "Jesus is the way, the truth and the life." (John 14:6)
The irony of life is that some of us are "poor" when we are alive but we are "rich" when we die. What do I mean? If you have done your estate planning or written your will, you will discover that you will leave behind your property, CPF and other savings which might easily add up to a million dollars. We work & work all our lives trying to earn a decent living to feed a family, to pay off mortgages, to settle medical bills & other commitments but when we die, we leave behind money for others to enjoy. And this is the money we need most now when we are alive. This is the irony of life.
I've been wanting to write a will for a long time. It was my recent cancer experience that reminded me not to delay anymore. I have been praying about this since then, asking the Lord how He would like me to give away His money in the event I die. I pray that the Lord will guide me to make the right decision.
"Lord, all I have comes from You. Show me how You like me to use Your money to bless others after I die."
tsk tsk
Saturday, 24 May 2008
a gift from God
God's love & care for His own overwhelms me. There are times when I don't pray aloud for a specific need, yet God sees the unexpressed desire of my heart & gives me a pleasant surprise when He meets my need in an unexpected way. This is the true heart of a loving Father towards His children. This is my personal experience of God.
I thank God for leading me to seek TCM treatment as the alternative way to improve my health. God knows how serious I am in wanting to get well. God sees how I struggle each day to brew & drink the herbs. In an earlier blog posting, I had mentioned how nice it would be if someone could brew the herbs for me! God answered the desire of my heart in an unexpected way.
On Tuesday, I received an email from a dear friend. Irene Tan (a previous BSF CL), a Singaporean living in KL, read my blog & responded immediately to my need. She said she has an electric-powered TCM earthern pot which can auto-brew the herbs to the desired level. The pot has an auto buzzer which will give out a loud buzzing sound when the herbs are ready. Someone had mentioned about this TCM pot to me last year but I had forgotten all about it. Irene said she would bring the pot for me in her next trip back from KL.
On Wed, when I was at SGH, Irene called to say her dad bought a few pots last year and he so "happened" to have one pot left unused! Irene arranged to pick me up from Dover MRT on my way home from SGH so that she could pass me the TCM pot. Irene wrote later, "I now don't think my dad was so crazy to buy so many pots at one go afterall. It looks like God used my dad to stock a pot for you since last year." I was moved to tears. I am touched to see the way God loves & cares for me.
I now use the magic TCM pot to brew herbs every night. I am deeply impressed. The pot does the job for me perfectly. There is no need to set the alarm clock anymore. There is no need to worry about spilling or over-brewing anymore. There is no need to constantly check the water level anymore. A loud buzzing sound will alert me once the herbal medicine reaches the right level. Even if I miss the buzz, the pot will automatically switch to "warm" after 30 seconds. The herbal medicine will not dry up. What a clever invention indeed!
Brewing herbs has now become a breeze. The best thing is the TCM pot enhances the quality of the herbal medicine. The medicine tastes thicker & tastier. Now I enjoy drinking the bitter-sweet herbal medicine!
"Lord, thank You for using Irene & her dad to meet my need.
Lord, thank You for your gift."
tsk tsk
I thank God for leading me to seek TCM treatment as the alternative way to improve my health. God knows how serious I am in wanting to get well. God sees how I struggle each day to brew & drink the herbs. In an earlier blog posting, I had mentioned how nice it would be if someone could brew the herbs for me! God answered the desire of my heart in an unexpected way.
On Tuesday, I received an email from a dear friend. Irene Tan (a previous BSF CL), a Singaporean living in KL, read my blog & responded immediately to my need. She said she has an electric-powered TCM earthern pot which can auto-brew the herbs to the desired level. The pot has an auto buzzer which will give out a loud buzzing sound when the herbs are ready. Someone had mentioned about this TCM pot to me last year but I had forgotten all about it. Irene said she would bring the pot for me in her next trip back from KL.
On Wed, when I was at SGH, Irene called to say her dad bought a few pots last year and he so "happened" to have one pot left unused! Irene arranged to pick me up from Dover MRT on my way home from SGH so that she could pass me the TCM pot. Irene wrote later, "I now don't think my dad was so crazy to buy so many pots at one go afterall. It looks like God used my dad to stock a pot for you since last year." I was moved to tears. I am touched to see the way God loves & cares for me.
I now use the magic TCM pot to brew herbs every night. I am deeply impressed. The pot does the job for me perfectly. There is no need to set the alarm clock anymore. There is no need to worry about spilling or over-brewing anymore. There is no need to constantly check the water level anymore. A loud buzzing sound will alert me once the herbal medicine reaches the right level. Even if I miss the buzz, the pot will automatically switch to "warm" after 30 seconds. The herbal medicine will not dry up. What a clever invention indeed!
Brewing herbs has now become a breeze. The best thing is the TCM pot enhances the quality of the herbal medicine. The medicine tastes thicker & tastier. Now I enjoy drinking the bitter-sweet herbal medicine!
"Lord, thank You for using Irene & her dad to meet my need.
Lord, thank You for your gift."
tsk tsk
Wednesday, 16 April 2008
blog - new purpose, new direction
Recently, 2 BSF colleagues shared with me how this blog had helped to encourage someone in their church who was suffering from cancer. One of them said, "God is using your blog to encourage many people. You are doing a good job. Don't give up." This was indeed a very encouraging feedback. And a few weeks back, a senior BSF colleague also shared with me something which seemed like a word from God.
I have been pondering & praying, asking the Lord for His direction. If God can use me to encourage someone out there, all glory be to Him.
With this in mind, this blog will now have a new purpose with a new direction.
".........they will call Him Immanuel, which means 'God with us.' " (Matthew 1:23)
your fellow sufferer in Christ,
tsk tsk
I have been pondering & praying, asking the Lord for His direction. If God can use me to encourage someone out there, all glory be to Him.
With this in mind, this blog will now have a new purpose with a new direction.
- The purpose of this blog is that in the midst of their suffering, Christians will see God in every event & circumstance of their lives. God can use your suffering for His glory.
- Besides using this blog as my personal prayer platform, I will also use it as a platform to reach out to fellow Christians who are suffering & hurting from the pain of cancer. Besides sharing my personal journey with cancer, I will also write some short articles to encourage all of us to persevere on in our faith in the midst of our suffering & pain.
".........they will call Him Immanuel, which means 'God with us.' " (Matthew 1:23)
your fellow sufferer in Christ,
tsk tsk
Saturday, 5 April 2008
a time-bomb in my body
Finally I had the time to sit down to think through & reflect. Everything was moving so fast the last few days. The bad lung report, the worried expression on my doctor's face, the gentle touch on my shoulders to reassure me, the hurriedly-arranged PET scan, the scan report......what does it all mean?
As I look back at the events of the last few days, one thing is clear to me - the grace & love of God. I do not know & do not understand what is happening. But I know I have a great God whom I can trust in times of trouble. I'm indeed thankful to God for protecting me from the relapse of cancer. I am overwhelmed by the depth of God's love for me. I could sense His presence as He wept along with me. I could sense His comfort as He put His loving arms around me. I could sense His compassion as He allowed me to express my innermost fears to Him. I could sense His strength as He lifted me up from my agony of pain. Not once did my Father condemn me for reacting like any human would, for coming to Him as I am.....weak, wretched & helpless.
Praise be to God for a triumphant finish to a week of trials & testing. It’s indeed a relief to know for now that cancer did not / has not spread to other parts of the body (metastasis). I am aware that my battle against cancer is not over yet. What is troubling me is not so much the occasional rib pain I experience from time to time, but to know that the 2 cysts in my right lung are still there, & have grown 3 times in the past 6 months. Assuming the same growth rate in the next 12 months, this means the cysts might grow to 3cm by Mar 2009. This is worrying. It is like having a time-bomb in my body & I do not know when it will explode.
So what should I do now? The doctor’s “wait & see” answer makes me feel rather uneasy. I’m not convinced that I should simply wait & do nothing. I have this time-bomb in my body & my heart prompts me I must do something. I believe I need practical faith to go forth to seek alternative treatment. Since western medicine offers me no solution, it looks like I have to turn to Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) to help build my body's immunity. Please pray along with me that God will lead me in the right direction.
I'm now living on God's extended time. Each day is a day of grace from God.
Thanks for travelling this long & difficult journey with me,
tsk tsk
As I look back at the events of the last few days, one thing is clear to me - the grace & love of God. I do not know & do not understand what is happening. But I know I have a great God whom I can trust in times of trouble. I'm indeed thankful to God for protecting me from the relapse of cancer. I am overwhelmed by the depth of God's love for me. I could sense His presence as He wept along with me. I could sense His comfort as He put His loving arms around me. I could sense His compassion as He allowed me to express my innermost fears to Him. I could sense His strength as He lifted me up from my agony of pain. Not once did my Father condemn me for reacting like any human would, for coming to Him as I am.....weak, wretched & helpless.
Praise be to God for a triumphant finish to a week of trials & testing. It’s indeed a relief to know for now that cancer did not / has not spread to other parts of the body (metastasis). I am aware that my battle against cancer is not over yet. What is troubling me is not so much the occasional rib pain I experience from time to time, but to know that the 2 cysts in my right lung are still there, & have grown 3 times in the past 6 months. Assuming the same growth rate in the next 12 months, this means the cysts might grow to 3cm by Mar 2009. This is worrying. It is like having a time-bomb in my body & I do not know when it will explode.
So what should I do now? The doctor’s “wait & see” answer makes me feel rather uneasy. I’m not convinced that I should simply wait & do nothing. I have this time-bomb in my body & my heart prompts me I must do something. I believe I need practical faith to go forth to seek alternative treatment. Since western medicine offers me no solution, it looks like I have to turn to Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) to help build my body's immunity. Please pray along with me that God will lead me in the right direction.
I'm now living on God's extended time. Each day is a day of grace from God.
Thanks for travelling this long & difficult journey with me,
tsk tsk
Thursday, 3 April 2008
praise God, no cancer
I had prepared myself mentally for the worst. It had been so agonising over the past few days. I was agonised at the thought of having to go through another round of cancer. I was agonised at the thought of having to go through suffering & pain again. Only Jesus could understand the agony I went through. Jesus at Gethsemane had agonised over His impending death when He said, "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.......My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me." (Matt 26:38,39)
But God heard not only my cries, but the cries of all His saints who were pleading with Him for mercy. When I entered the doctor's room, I told the doctor I was prepared for the bad news, but the doctor exclaimed, "Who said it's bad news? It's good news!" I couldn't believe my ears. The doctor went through the PET scan report with me. The report said there was no sign that cancer had spread to my lungs or other parts of the body. I said a quiet "Thank You" to God in my heart.
It is always darkest just before dawn. I pray that the darkest night is past, that this new dawn will stay on for a long time. For though the report says there is no sign of cancer in the lungs & other parts of the body, the 2 cysts in the lung remain. The cysts in the lung have grown 3 times within a period of 6 months. This is worrying. Will they grow further? Will they become cancerous in future? These are questions which are of concern to me. But the doctor's answer is "wait & see". This answer makes me feel uneasy. I will need to trust all these to God. I will seek the Lord's guidance as to what I should do next.
I would like to express my sincere thanks to :
But God heard not only my cries, but the cries of all His saints who were pleading with Him for mercy. When I entered the doctor's room, I told the doctor I was prepared for the bad news, but the doctor exclaimed, "Who said it's bad news? It's good news!" I couldn't believe my ears. The doctor went through the PET scan report with me. The report said there was no sign that cancer had spread to my lungs or other parts of the body. I said a quiet "Thank You" to God in my heart.
It is always darkest just before dawn. I pray that the darkest night is past, that this new dawn will stay on for a long time. For though the report says there is no sign of cancer in the lungs & other parts of the body, the 2 cysts in the lung remain. The cysts in the lung have grown 3 times within a period of 6 months. This is worrying. Will they grow further? Will they become cancerous in future? These are questions which are of concern to me. But the doctor's answer is "wait & see". This answer makes me feel uneasy. I will need to trust all these to God. I will seek the Lord's guidance as to what I should do next.
I would like to express my sincere thanks to :
- everyone who has travelled alongside me in this journey through cancer. Many of you have called, sms-ed or emailed to assure me of your prayers. I am very touched by your love & concern. Thank you for lifting me up before the throne of grace with your tears & petition before God.
- these Godsend angels - PS, PL, Ruby - who were there by my side to share my sorrow & joy. Thank you for bringing me out for dinner & for the wonderful fellowship we had.
- last but not least, to the Almighty God for His unfailing love & mercy towards me. Thank You, Lord, for hearing & answering the prayers of all Your faithful saints.
Though the Lord has graciously averted the crisis today, my journey with cancer is not over yet. The cysts in my lung will remain my major concern in the months ahead. Please graciously lift me up before God's throne of grace & mercy each day.
Forever thankful to God for each one of you, His faithful saints,
tsk tsk
Tuesday, 18 March 2008
I am still alive & kicking
My long silence could mean 2 things. Either I'm dead or I'm busy like everyone else. In the event I enter into eternal glory, there will be an announcement on this blog. I know that my former manager, PS will announce my departure on this blog on my behalf. PS was the creator of this blog & she will also bring it to a close should I go to heaven before her.
So, tsk tsk, what have you been doing these past 2 months? Good thing I keep a daily journal, so it's not a problem recalling what I did in Feb & Mar.
5 Feb 2008 - Today was the eve of Lunar New Year's Eve. I held a reunion dinner tonight because I would be going home to Batu Pahat tomorrow. My youngest sister, Shuli came back for CNY (she is based in Taiwan). My eldest sister, Shuyun & family joined us for dinner.
So, tsk tsk, what have you been doing these past 2 months? Good thing I keep a daily journal, so it's not a problem recalling what I did in Feb & Mar.
5 Feb 2008 - Today was the eve of Lunar New Year's Eve. I held a reunion dinner tonight because I would be going home to Batu Pahat tomorrow. My youngest sister, Shuli came back for CNY (she is based in Taiwan). My eldest sister, Shuyun & family joined us for dinner.
6 Feb 2008 - I baked Pandan Kaya cake this morning for my family. Shuli's friend, Mei Yan gave us a lift back to Batu Pahat. We left Singapore at about 4pm. We did not make it in time for reunion dinner as we reached BP past 9pm. There was a heavy traffic jam at the causeway. Mei Yan also had to drop by JB to pick up her brother's family.
7 Feb 2008 - Xin Nian Meng En! Blessed Lunar New Year! My family & I attended the CNY service at Saving Grace Chinese Church. Then we "bai-nian" the whole afternoon, visiting some of my Ah-Yi and Ah-Koh. Time did not permit me to visit more.
8 Feb 2008 - A good "elderly" friend brought me out for lunch. Mum & Shuli joined us too. Without fail, this person would call me on the second day of CNY every year. This was the time of the year she knew for sure I would be home. I went shopping at BP Mall tonight. BP is growing numerically & commercially. BP is now the 10th largest town in Malaysia with a population of about 470,000. Everytime I go back, there will be new shopping malls which are crowded with people. Besides BP Mall, there is also Carrefour hypermarket. Both of these are giant size to the envy of Singapore.
9 Feb 2008 - My 2nd brother drove me & Shuli back to Singapore. Mum came along. They dropped by my eldest sister's place to "bai-nian" before spending the rest of the day at my place.
15 Feb 2008 - Shuli returned to Taiwan this morning. We had a wonderful time of fellowship during the one-week she stayed with me.
16 Feb 2008 - BSF workshop today......this signals the end of the long 4-month break. After today, life is going to get busy, busy, busy again. BSF is doing the book of Matthew. YP & I will be co-teaching the Senior Level class (15-18 years old). This is the 2nd time I am teaching the Senior class. The last time was 2004/2005.
23 Feb 2008 - We had our 1st BSF Leaders' Meeting this morning. In the evening, I went with 2 friends to JB to attend a wedding dinner - Teck Hui & Ley Tin's daughter's wedding. TH & LT are good, old friends from Batu Pahat. Believe it or not, we have not seen each other for almost 30 years. It was a beautiful wedding. The most nostalgic part of the evening was the meeting of former BP folks whom we have not seen for almost 30 years since our Youth Fellowship days in Batu Pahat! For many of us, we couldn't recognise each other! It's obvious we don't look as youthful as our teenage years......but the voice, the mannerisms haven't changed a single bit! There is talk about organising a reunion for all BP folks..........before we all pass on.
7 Mar 2008 - I attended the NPC Support group meeting tonight. The talk was on TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine). This time, the talk would be spread over 2 Fridays. The 2 speakers are TCM physicians from Thong Chai Medical Institution at Chin Swee Road. These 2 physicians specialise in cancer treatment using TCM.
8 Mar 2008 - Today was the 12th General Election in Malaysia. As a Malaysian citizen, I am eligible to vote but I have not gone back to BP to cast my vote for the past 2 or 3 elections. Reason? My vote doesn't make any difference. Why? If you are familiar with Malaysian history, you will know that Batu Pahat is the birthplace of UMNO & therefore a stronghold of UMNO. Politics in BP is very boring because the opposition parties know they have very slim chance of winning here. I stayed up the whole night to watch the results of the election......so shocked with the results I couldn't sleep!
14 Mar 2008 - Attended Part 2 of the talk on TCM at the NPC Support Group meeting.
18 Mar 2008 - Tonight I had to go solo, meaning I had to teach the 2-hour program all by myself as my co-CL was sick. The "spiritual attack" came again. My left ear suffered a sudden blockage when I started my Bible Lesson. The ear blockage also went off suddenly as soon as I finished my 25-min BL. When my ear was blocked, I could not hear myself very clearly so I spoke very loud (this was what CS told me when I shared my experience with her). It happened several times last year too. Strange thing is, my ear would suddenly become blocked when I start the BL. But when I do the other segments (discussion, discovery, closing), I don't experience ear blockage at all. I don't understand. What I know is that each time it happens, I feel very lousy because I can't hear my own voice. But I know that the Holy Spirit will guide my mouth to say the words He wants the students to hear. The amazing thing is I do not need to sip any water during the 2-hour session - not only tonight, but every Tuesday night. This is my experience of God.
This is the end of my daily journal recorded for the months of Feb & Mar. Thanks for reading. Hope you will whisper my name in your prayers each time you read my blog.
praise God I'm still alive & kicking,
tsk tsk
Saturday, 5 January 2008
Happy birthday to me!
According to western tradition, there are 12 days of Christmas. This period (25Dec-5Jan) is also known as Christmastide. Today is the 12th day of Christmas. It is also my birthday.
I had turned down all who had called or emailed or sms to bring me out to celebrate my birthday. Thank you for remembering my birthday. I'm truly touched by your love. I hope I have not offended or disappointed any of you. As in all previous years, I wanted my birthday to be a quiet day. I prefer to spend the day alone ....... with the Lord.
"For You created my inmost being;
You knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from You
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
Your eyes saw my unformed body."
Psalm 139:13-16
Happy birthday to me!
tsk tsk
I had turned down all who had called or emailed or sms to bring me out to celebrate my birthday. Thank you for remembering my birthday. I'm truly touched by your love. I hope I have not offended or disappointed any of you. As in all previous years, I wanted my birthday to be a quiet day. I prefer to spend the day alone ....... with the Lord.
"For You created my inmost being;
You knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from You
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
Your eyes saw my unformed body."
Psalm 139:13-16
Happy birthday to me!
tsk tsk
Tuesday, 1 January 2008
hello 2008
A blessed New Year to you!
This is my new year prayer for you :
"May the Lord answer you when you are in distress;
May the name of the God of Jacob protect you.
May He send you help from the sanctuary
and grant you support from Zion.
May He remember all your sacrifices
and accept your burnt offerings.
May He give you the desire of your heart
and make all your plans succeed."
Psalm 20:1-4
Thank you for being my unseen angels.
Thank you for continuing to walk with me through 2008.
tsk tsk
This is my new year prayer for you :
"May the Lord answer you when you are in distress;
May the name of the God of Jacob protect you.
May He send you help from the sanctuary
and grant you support from Zion.
May He remember all your sacrifices
and accept your burnt offerings.
May He give you the desire of your heart
and make all your plans succeed."
Psalm 20:1-4
Thank you for being my unseen angels.
Thank you for continuing to walk with me through 2008.
tsk tsk
Monday, 31 December 2007
Thank You, Lord, for 2007
I will remember 2007 as a year of bitter-sweet memories. It was a year of struggles as I learned to cope with life after cancer. It was a year of challenges as I learned to live with the many side-effects of radiation. But I will also remember 2007 as a year I experienced God's abundant & amazing grace. It was a year I tasted God's goodness & faithfulness.
The past one year had helped me to see things from the eyes of a cancer patient & survivor. Many people do not realise that the recovery process for most cancer patients takes a long time & can be a frustrating, lonely & painful experience. There are frustrating moments when family & friends do not understand what cancer survivors are going through physically & emotionally. There are lonely moments when cancer survivors have to walk through the unknown journey of recovery without knowing what is happening. There are painful moments when cancer survivors are subjected to careless & insensitive remarks by well-meaning people.
On this last day of 2007, I would like to praise & thank God for who He is - the Almighty & Sovereign God, the all-knowing, all-wise, all-loving God. I would like to end the year by singing the following hymn to the Lord.
Thanks to God
Thanks to God for my Redeemer,
Thanks for all Thou dost provide,
Thanks for times now but a memory,
Thanks for Jesus by my side.
Thanks for pleasant, balmy springtime,
Thanks for dark & dreary fall,
Thanks for tears by now forgotten,
Thanks for peace within my soul.
Thanks for prayers that Thou hast answered,
Thanks for what Thou dost deny;
Thanks for storms that I have weathered,
Thanks for all Thou dost supply.
Thanks for pain and thanks for pleasure,
Thanks for comfort in despair,
Thanks for grace that none can measure,
Thanks for love beyond compare.
Thanks for roses by the wayside,
Thanks for thorns their stems contain,
Thanks for home & thanks for fireside,
Thanks for hope, that sweet refrain.
Thanks for joy & thanks for sorrow,
Thanks for heavenly peace within,
Thanks for hope in the tomorrow,
Thanks through all eternity!
"Lord, I thank You for the year just past - the challenges & the joys. I look forward to the coming year and ask that You will shine Your light upon my path that I may walk in Your ways all the days of my life. Amen."
thank you for journeying with me through 2007,
tsk tsk
The past one year had helped me to see things from the eyes of a cancer patient & survivor. Many people do not realise that the recovery process for most cancer patients takes a long time & can be a frustrating, lonely & painful experience. There are frustrating moments when family & friends do not understand what cancer survivors are going through physically & emotionally. There are lonely moments when cancer survivors have to walk through the unknown journey of recovery without knowing what is happening. There are painful moments when cancer survivors are subjected to careless & insensitive remarks by well-meaning people.
On this last day of 2007, I would like to praise & thank God for who He is - the Almighty & Sovereign God, the all-knowing, all-wise, all-loving God. I would like to end the year by singing the following hymn to the Lord.
Thanks to God
Thanks to God for my Redeemer,
Thanks for all Thou dost provide,
Thanks for times now but a memory,
Thanks for Jesus by my side.
Thanks for pleasant, balmy springtime,
Thanks for dark & dreary fall,
Thanks for tears by now forgotten,
Thanks for peace within my soul.
Thanks for prayers that Thou hast answered,
Thanks for what Thou dost deny;
Thanks for storms that I have weathered,
Thanks for all Thou dost supply.
Thanks for pain and thanks for pleasure,
Thanks for comfort in despair,
Thanks for grace that none can measure,
Thanks for love beyond compare.
Thanks for roses by the wayside,
Thanks for thorns their stems contain,
Thanks for home & thanks for fireside,
Thanks for hope, that sweet refrain.
Thanks for joy & thanks for sorrow,
Thanks for heavenly peace within,
Thanks for hope in the tomorrow,
Thanks through all eternity!
"Lord, I thank You for the year just past - the challenges & the joys. I look forward to the coming year and ask that You will shine Your light upon my path that I may walk in Your ways all the days of my life. Amen."
thank you for journeying with me through 2007,
tsk tsk
Sunday, 4 November 2007
the story of grandma
I have no memory of grandma. I had seen a picture of grandma in mum's photo album. She looked like any gentle, loving grandma any child would adore. I had heard from my aunts & uncles grandma loved children. I was told grandma died when I was a little girl. No wonder I have no fond memories of grandma.
Recently, while talking with mum about grandma, it seemed to me like grandma had shown symptoms similar to what we know today as nose cancer. Grandma started to suffer from nose bleeding when she was in her 40's. But her illness became worse & she died 5 years later. Mum said grandpa had brought grandma to Singapore for medical treatment. From what mum described, it seemed like grandma went through something like radiotherapy. I thought to myself, it must be nose cancer then. But somehow, in those days people didn't call it "ai" (cancer) but "gum" in Hokkien. I learned from a friend that "gum" is the old Hokkien word for "cancer". I see, so I've learned something new that I've never known before.
This information is important. One, it seems like I've inherited grandma's genes. Two, it means that genetically, nose cancer might run in my family. Three, it has answered the pertinent question in my mind all this while - how in the world did I get nose cancer? Breast cancer, yes but nose cancer? Now I have the answer.
My oncologist was right. I remember asking him this question, "What is the cause of cancer?" And his straightforward answer was, "Genetics, environment, lifestyle, in this order."
Lord, I pray that in Your mighty power, You will stop this cancer from perpetuating itself in my family, both now & in the future. Amen.
tsk tsk
Recently, while talking with mum about grandma, it seemed to me like grandma had shown symptoms similar to what we know today as nose cancer. Grandma started to suffer from nose bleeding when she was in her 40's. But her illness became worse & she died 5 years later. Mum said grandpa had brought grandma to Singapore for medical treatment. From what mum described, it seemed like grandma went through something like radiotherapy. I thought to myself, it must be nose cancer then. But somehow, in those days people didn't call it "ai" (cancer) but "gum" in Hokkien. I learned from a friend that "gum" is the old Hokkien word for "cancer". I see, so I've learned something new that I've never known before.
This information is important. One, it seems like I've inherited grandma's genes. Two, it means that genetically, nose cancer might run in my family. Three, it has answered the pertinent question in my mind all this while - how in the world did I get nose cancer? Breast cancer, yes but nose cancer? Now I have the answer.
My oncologist was right. I remember asking him this question, "What is the cause of cancer?" And his straightforward answer was, "Genetics, environment, lifestyle, in this order."
Lord, I pray that in Your mighty power, You will stop this cancer from perpetuating itself in my family, both now & in the future. Amen.
tsk tsk
Tuesday, 30 October 2007
first anniversary
Today is the first anniversary of the end of my radiation. I completed my 33 sessions of IMRT one year ago on 30 Oct 2006. It was a Monday.
I can still remember vividly the surprise party that PS & the gang had organised to celebrate the end of my radiation. PS & Cyndi went with me to SGH. PS drove me home after the treatment. When I reached home, I was greeted by many colourful balloons in my apartment. Who put up the balloons? I was wondering then. I felt that something strange was going on, but did not suspect anything. Mum was in the kitchen but she acted normally. There were no shoes outside the door so it did not arouse my suspicion. But on the way to my bedroom, I got a shock. Coming out of the room one-by-one were the BSF beauties. They had come to celebrate the successful completion of my radiation. I was so touched I wanted to cry.
These were the 9 ladies who made time to be with me : PS, Chuay Fen, Angie, Weng Yin, Cyndi, Kim Ho, Jo Chee, Susan, Shelly. We praised God through songs & prayers. Good thing I had some leftovers of my signature cake, so we ate that as we fellowshiped.
Lord, thank You for being there with me during those painful days.
tsk tsk
I can still remember vividly the surprise party that PS & the gang had organised to celebrate the end of my radiation. PS & Cyndi went with me to SGH. PS drove me home after the treatment. When I reached home, I was greeted by many colourful balloons in my apartment. Who put up the balloons? I was wondering then. I felt that something strange was going on, but did not suspect anything. Mum was in the kitchen but she acted normally. There were no shoes outside the door so it did not arouse my suspicion. But on the way to my bedroom, I got a shock. Coming out of the room one-by-one were the BSF beauties. They had come to celebrate the successful completion of my radiation. I was so touched I wanted to cry.
These were the 9 ladies who made time to be with me : PS, Chuay Fen, Angie, Weng Yin, Cyndi, Kim Ho, Jo Chee, Susan, Shelly. We praised God through songs & prayers. Good thing I had some leftovers of my signature cake, so we ate that as we fellowshiped.
Lord, thank You for being there with me during those painful days.
tsk tsk
Saturday, 27 October 2007
what has Romans taught me?
Today was the finale for the BSF study of Romans. It was Sharing Day for leaders. I didn't get to share, but below is the one-minute sharing I had prepared.
"I praise God for enabling me to complete this year in His strength. It was a difficult year. It was difficult because I was recovering from cancer. It was difficult because I had to learn to manage my physical handicap (dry mouth) & cope with the side effects of cancer (dry/phlegmy throat, blocked ear, stuffed nose, inability to eat). It was difficult because teaching Level 1 kids was a new challenge to me. But in each of these difficult & challenging situations, I had experienced God's enablement & grace. All glory be to God.
I thank God for the many lessons I have learned from the book of Romans. Romans 7 reminds me that the Christian life is a constant struggle but we win through Jesus Christ. Romans 8 assures me that all things that have ever happened to me or can possibly happen to me are so ordered & controlled by God that the end result is inevitably & utterly for my good.
If I can summarise in one sentence what the book of Romans has taught me, it is this : God is sovereign; nothing can defeat God's plan & purpose for me."
Lord, thank You for teaching me Your Word in Romans.
tsk tsk
"I praise God for enabling me to complete this year in His strength. It was a difficult year. It was difficult because I was recovering from cancer. It was difficult because I had to learn to manage my physical handicap (dry mouth) & cope with the side effects of cancer (dry/phlegmy throat, blocked ear, stuffed nose, inability to eat). It was difficult because teaching Level 1 kids was a new challenge to me. But in each of these difficult & challenging situations, I had experienced God's enablement & grace. All glory be to God.
I thank God for the many lessons I have learned from the book of Romans. Romans 7 reminds me that the Christian life is a constant struggle but we win through Jesus Christ. Romans 8 assures me that all things that have ever happened to me or can possibly happen to me are so ordered & controlled by God that the end result is inevitably & utterly for my good.
If I can summarise in one sentence what the book of Romans has taught me, it is this : God is sovereign; nothing can defeat God's plan & purpose for me."
Lord, thank You for teaching me Your Word in Romans.
tsk tsk
Thursday, 27 September 2007
a sudden breathlessness attack
I woke up this morning with a blocked ear. This does happen to my left ear now & then due to factors unknown to me. I've learned to live with it. The ear blockage would normally go off after a while. But this time, it lasted the whole day. It became unbearable as there was echoing & I could not hear properly.
It started to get worse in the afternoon. I was attending a meeting in the office from 2-4pm. But midway through the meeting, I began to feel breathless. My left ear was becoming more blocked. This time, my nose seemed to be blocked too. I found myself having to breathe very hard. I began to feel weak & giddy. I sought excuse to leave the meeting explaining that I was not feeling well & needed to see the doctor immediately.
I rushed to the hospital in a cab. While waiting to be attended to, I quickly sms-ed an urgent prayer request to my contact persons in BSF & DG. Through this prayer chain, I was assured that many would be praying for me. A nurse did an ECG test on me & then wheeled me in. A young female doctor attended to me. She asked a few questions & then went off. At this time, about 4.20pm, I noticed that my ear blockage suddenly disappeared. I found myself able to breathe normally again. I knew it was the power of prayer. I felt so relieved & whispered a prayer of thanksgiving.
The young female doctor cleared me of lung infection after looking at the x-ray. I told the doctor I did ECG, not x-ray. She asked again. I repeated the same answer. But the doctor insisted that the nurse had done an x-ray on me earlier. I was confused. The doctor was not listening. She did not even try to verify my statement.
I was discharged & reached home about 7pm. At 7.40pm, I received a surprise call from the doctor. She inquired how I was, whether I was still having breathing difficulties. I said I was able to breathe much better now. I thought she was such a caring doctor but when she started to apologise, I knew something was wrong. She apologised that there was a mix-up in the x-rays. She asked me again if I had taken xray. I said I had told her a few times I had not taken any x-ray & she had confused me by insisting I had done the x-ray. She said I would need to return to A&E to do an x-ray. As I was too tired to go back now, she arranged for me to go back at 8am the next morning. But before she put down the phone, she repeated for a 2nd time that should I encounter any breathing difficulty during the night, I should come down to A&E immediately as it is open 24 hours a day.
While preparing dinner, I felt no peace. I thought, "What if I suddenly become breathless in the middle of the night?" A voice kept telling me to go back to SGH now....."call Irene". It was then 8pm. I hesitated. But the voice said again, "call Irene". I called Irene Tan. I told Irene about the x-ray mix-up. I was so touched when Irene agreed to drive me to SGH without hesitation. I was so thankful that God already knew about the mix-up & had arranged for Irene to be my angel that night.
It was a different doctor who attended to me this time. Apparently he had been briefed about the "x-ray mix-up" fiasco. He apologised profusely for the mix-up & said that an investigation was under way to find out what went wrong. Thank God for Irene who helped to "fight" for me, saying that my life could have been put to risk by the careless attitude of the other doctor. What if I had collapsed on the way home? How could the doctor not listen to the patient? He said SGH was also very concerned about this matter & would do its best not to repeat the same mistake again.
So I spent the night doing the x-ray & re-doing the ECG test as it seemed that the ECG I did earlier had also gone missing. Probably another mix-up again. Both the x-ray & ECG tests showed no sign of any lung problem. This was all that I needed to see & hear. I knew I would be able to sleep with peace of mind tonight. And I did.
Lord, thank You for sending Irene as my angel tonight. Thank You for watching over me in my coming in & going out.
tsk tsk
It started to get worse in the afternoon. I was attending a meeting in the office from 2-4pm. But midway through the meeting, I began to feel breathless. My left ear was becoming more blocked. This time, my nose seemed to be blocked too. I found myself having to breathe very hard. I began to feel weak & giddy. I sought excuse to leave the meeting explaining that I was not feeling well & needed to see the doctor immediately.
I rushed to the hospital in a cab. While waiting to be attended to, I quickly sms-ed an urgent prayer request to my contact persons in BSF & DG. Through this prayer chain, I was assured that many would be praying for me. A nurse did an ECG test on me & then wheeled me in. A young female doctor attended to me. She asked a few questions & then went off. At this time, about 4.20pm, I noticed that my ear blockage suddenly disappeared. I found myself able to breathe normally again. I knew it was the power of prayer. I felt so relieved & whispered a prayer of thanksgiving.
The young female doctor cleared me of lung infection after looking at the x-ray. I told the doctor I did ECG, not x-ray. She asked again. I repeated the same answer. But the doctor insisted that the nurse had done an x-ray on me earlier. I was confused. The doctor was not listening. She did not even try to verify my statement.
I was discharged & reached home about 7pm. At 7.40pm, I received a surprise call from the doctor. She inquired how I was, whether I was still having breathing difficulties. I said I was able to breathe much better now. I thought she was such a caring doctor but when she started to apologise, I knew something was wrong. She apologised that there was a mix-up in the x-rays. She asked me again if I had taken xray. I said I had told her a few times I had not taken any x-ray & she had confused me by insisting I had done the x-ray. She said I would need to return to A&E to do an x-ray. As I was too tired to go back now, she arranged for me to go back at 8am the next morning. But before she put down the phone, she repeated for a 2nd time that should I encounter any breathing difficulty during the night, I should come down to A&E immediately as it is open 24 hours a day.
While preparing dinner, I felt no peace. I thought, "What if I suddenly become breathless in the middle of the night?" A voice kept telling me to go back to SGH now....."call Irene". It was then 8pm. I hesitated. But the voice said again, "call Irene". I called Irene Tan. I told Irene about the x-ray mix-up. I was so touched when Irene agreed to drive me to SGH without hesitation. I was so thankful that God already knew about the mix-up & had arranged for Irene to be my angel that night.
It was a different doctor who attended to me this time. Apparently he had been briefed about the "x-ray mix-up" fiasco. He apologised profusely for the mix-up & said that an investigation was under way to find out what went wrong. Thank God for Irene who helped to "fight" for me, saying that my life could have been put to risk by the careless attitude of the other doctor. What if I had collapsed on the way home? How could the doctor not listen to the patient? He said SGH was also very concerned about this matter & would do its best not to repeat the same mistake again.
So I spent the night doing the x-ray & re-doing the ECG test as it seemed that the ECG I did earlier had also gone missing. Probably another mix-up again. Both the x-ray & ECG tests showed no sign of any lung problem. This was all that I needed to see & hear. I knew I would be able to sleep with peace of mind tonight. And I did.
Lord, thank You for sending Irene as my angel tonight. Thank You for watching over me in my coming in & going out.
tsk tsk
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