Thursday 22 March 2007

What, I weigh only 43.9 kg?

I had my two-monthly consultation with my oncologist on Monday. Yes, I lost 3.6kg in 2 months. I couldn't believe my eyes & weighed again a second time. There it was, the figures said so clearly : 43.9 kg. The weighing machine at the National Cancer Centre should be reliably accurate, right? I weighed 47.5kg just 2 months ago. I know I had lost weight, but so much? I had not been weighing myself because the weighing scale at home broke down -- maybe I was so thin the scale couldn't move!

Jokes aside, I'm genuinely concerned. I've been losing weight since Chinese New Year. I knew I was losing weight when my skirts, pants & shorts don't seem to fit me as well as before. But now things seem to look more hopeful as I'm able to take hokkien porridge with soft dishes; but looks like they are not sufficient in replenishing my lost weight. Somehow, porridge does not give me a "full" feeling like rice. Very often, I will feel hungry again not long after I've eaten. I need to take 3-5 meals a day depending on my activities during the day. Actually, I'm more a rice or "png" person & I really miss eating rice. How I dream of the day when I can start eating rice again........

thanks for journeying with me,
tsk tsk

Thursday 15 March 2007

One week school break

The long-awaited school break was here at last. I had been waiting for this break not only because I needed a "breather" after teaching in the BSF School program for the last 6 weeks, but also because I needed to do some "spring-cleaning". I moved into my new home late 2005 but before I could even complete unpacking all my stuff, I suffered from tinnitus on my left ear which later developed into ear blockage in July 2006. And in Aug 2006, the biopsy result confirmed a tumour behind my nose which apparently caused the ear blockage problem. Thus began my 3-month battle against nose cancer.

How time flies. Nine months have passed since my ear problem first surfaced. And I am recovering so well that I felt I was fit & strong enough to finish my uncompleted job. Spring-cleaning is never a pleasant task. To me, the most difficult thing to do is to throw away things that have "sentimental value". I kept reminding myself I must learn to live with less, I must learn to "let go", I must learn to keep only the essentials for lack of storage space. Yes, there are many things I still need to learn. Earthly things will come & go; but the things of God will last forever. I must focus on doing things that have eternal value -- such as walking with God, spending time with God, and serving God. One of my favourite verses in the Bible is Genesis 5:22 - "Enoch walked with God 300 years". I pray that I too will walk with God all the days of my life.

thanks for journeying with me,
tsk tsk

Sunday 11 March 2007

Finally, I am able to eat soft food

I know, I know......this blog has been silent for a long time, right?

I was partly busy and partly........well, feeling low. You know, that kind of feeling when you just don't feel like doing anything at all? When I finally sat down to reflect on my feelings, I found out that deep inside me, I was getting frustrated with food. I had been losing weight the past few weeks as I was getting quite "sick" of Novasource. I have been drinking Novasource "milk" since Oct 2006. Instead of the recommended 3 packets a day, I was drinking only 1 or 1.5 packets a day. And I was not taking other food as I was still unable to eat. So, how not to lose weight, right?

The Lord must have seen my frustrations & silent tears as I struggled with what to eat each day. I seemed to have little choice as every food I tried stuck on my palate for lack of saliva. I cried in desperation. I had begun to "vomit" at the sight & smell of Novasource. What should I do? There were many times I felt so hungry I thought I might die of starvation. I didn't talk about my struggle with anyone as I presumed no one would understand.

The Lord finally came to my rescue. On Fri 2 Mar, I was so hungry I told myself I must try to eat congee or porridge again. It didn't work previously, but somehow that day, I was surprised I was able to swallow the congee without the rice sticking to my palate. I finished the bowl of congee with tears in my eyes. It was my first proper meal since Sep 2006! I was overwhelmed by the Lord's love for me. As in previous times, God would intervene when I reached my crisis point. He is most powerful when I am weakest. Thank You, Lord for Your faithfulness!

One week later, I tried taking hokkien porridge ("beh"/"moi") with soft dishes like tofu, steamed egg & potatoes. I was so happy I was able to take that too! I could feel that my mouth is improving; it's getting less dry than before. I have been brewing & drinking TCM herbs for the last 2 months. I think my mouth is beginning to gain back some saliva. The other good news is I am putting on some weight!

thanks for journeying with me,
tsk tsk