goodbye to cancer?

It has been more than 2 months since my lung operation in Dec 2008. What's the latest?

The PET scan I did on Monday has given me an "all-clear" sign, at least for now. The PET scan report, which I collected yesterday, made this conclusion : "No new metastases are seen; no evidence of local recurrence." What this means is there is no sign of cancer in my nose, lungs or other parts of the body. This is indeed good news. Thank You, Lord.

To the uninitiated, PET (Positron Emission Tomography) scan is a diagnostic imaging technique that can help detect suspected cancer, show the effectiveness of cancer treatment & check for recurrence of cancer. But PET scan is not always 100% reliable in detecting cancer. There could be false positives or false negatives. (That was what happened last year when PET scan failed to pick up cancer in my right lung.) Because PET scan is rather expensive (SGH charges $2700 & there is no govt subsidy), doctors usually recommend it only if it is really necessary.

Back to my story ...... so, can I say goodbye to cancer? Is there undetected cancer in my body? Will cancer return? Have I been cured of cancer? No one knows, except God. The only guaranteed assurance I have is that my life is eternally secure in God.

What's next? My oncologist says there is no need for chemotherapy treatment but he will need to monitor me closely. The 1st 5-years are crucial for cancer survivors. I'm now in the half-way mark. According to my surgeon, 20%-30% of patients with metastatic NPC to the lung will not suffer a relapse. Past statistics showed that 70%-80% of patients might suffer a relapse. Statistic is only a number. Whichever side of the statistics I'm on, I know that God is on my side. And God is all I need.

"Be at rest once more, O my soul,
for the Lord has been good to you."
(Psalm 116:7)

thanks for being a part of my life these 2-over years,
sockkim

cancer recurrence? yes, cancer has spread to my lung

This is the news everyone has been waiting for.....the biopsy results.

Backgound : 3 nodules in right lung were removed on 22 Dec 2008

Bad news : metastatic NPC to lung ("metastatic" means cancer has spread to a region remote from its site of origin. In my case, it means cancer has spread to my right lung from its site of origin, the nose. This is not the same as primary lung cancer. Metastatic cancer is also called secondary cancer.)

Good news : the cancerous nodules have been taken out

Treatment : since the cancerous tumour has been removed, chemotherapy might not be necessary. I will have a better picture when I next see my oncologist in Feb.

Chances of cancer recurrence : there is a chance cancer might return in 70%-80% of cases.

Prayer : praise the Lord the cancerous tumour has been removed. Please pray that I will fall within the 20%-30% , that by the mercy & grace of God cancer will not recur.

"I love the Lord for He heard my voice;
He heard my cry for mercy.
Because He turned His ear to me,
I will call on Him as long as I live.

The cords of death entangled me,
the anguish of the grave came upon me;
I was overcome by trouble & sorrow.
Then I called on the name of the Lord :
"Oh Lord, save me!"

The Lord is gracious & righteous;
our God is full of compassion.
The Lord protects the simplehearted;
when I was in great need, He saved me.

Be at rest once more, O my soul,
for the Lord has been good to you."

(Psalm 116:1-7)

Thank You, Lord for You are so good to me.
Thank you, dear brothers & sisters, for praying.
The journey has not ended. Please uphold me in your prayers.

tsk tsk

thank You, Lord

About 25 people turned up at the Thanksgiving Open House today. Thank you for coming to celebrate God's goodness with me. Your presence & prayers were a great encouragement to me.

To those who couldn't come but had sent their well wishes via call, sms or email, thank you. Thank you, Ai Fong, for initiating this Thanksgiving Open House. Thanks also to those who had cooked or bought food. Each one of you had brought cheer to my heart. Thank you for spending the last day of the year with me. Thank you for leaving behind such sweet memories.

Thank You, Lord for 2008 -- for joy & sorrow, for roses & thorns, for sunshine & rain, for calm & storms, for mountains & valleys, for laughter & tears, for pleasure & pain, for hope & despair, for health & sickness, for peace & turmoil, for comfort & grief. Thank You, Lord for Your strength & grace to live each day.

You can view some photos under the heading, "Thanksgiving Dec 2008" on the side column.

"(We) will celebrate Your abundant goodness
and joyfully sing of Your righteousness."
(Psalm 145:7)

thank you for journeying along with me this past year,
tsk tsk

God's food angels

Before my surgery, some friends asked me out of concern. "You live alone, who is going to look after you when you are discharged? What about your meals, who is going to cook for you?" My reply was, "God will provide." And God did.

I know that God will provide. God had provided in the past. This time, God will provide again. I did not make any arrangements for post-surgery care. I did not inform my family in Malaysia about my surgery. I did not wish to cause them unnecessary anxiety or worry. My family does not read my blog as they are all Chinese-educated. Only my elder sister in Singapore & my younger sister in Taipei are aware of my condition.

My job is to rest well & trust my Heavenly Father to provide. My Father's job is to provide all my needs, just as He has promised in Matthew 6:25-34. And He has.

On the day I was discharged, Ai Min offered me her ensuite room with maid services to help me recuperate until I was well enough to look after myself. I was overwhelmed by her love. But I declined her kind offer.

From the day I was discharged, the Lord began to send His food angels. Each day, someone will volunteer to bring me home-cooked food for lunch or dinner. Some brought me groceries or brewed health tonics. Only the Lord could mobilise these food angels to minister to my needs. I am truly touched by their love in action. I feel so blessed to belong to the family of God.

Lord, You are my Jehovah-Jireh. Thank You for providing all my needs.

tsk tsk

open house on 31 Dec 2008

Dear brothers & sisters in Christ

I underwent lung surgery on Mon 22 Dec 2008 to remove some nodules on my right lung. I was discharged on Fri 26 Dec 2008 after 5 days in the hospital. The operation was successful & I am recovering well. All praise & glory be to our God Almighty.

I would like to thank each one of you for standing by me & praying alongside me in my journey through cancer. Some of you had wanted to visit me when I was warded but I had to post a “No Visit” request on my blog in the first 3 days as I was too weak to receive visitors. I was in great pain & discomfort. But I received a Christmas gift from the Lord when my condition improved by leaps & bounds on Christmas Day. Those of you who visited me on Christmas Day were surprised at my quick recovery. Again, all praise & glory be to God.

My BSF Teaching Leader, Yang Ai Fong, suggested holding an Open House at my residence on Wed 31 Dec 2008 from 1pm to 4pm. The purpose of this Open House is to give thanks to God. This Open House will also allow those who had wanted to visit me at the hospital but could not. I understand that some of you had actually planned or gone to visit me at SGH Ward 56 on Sunday thinking that I was still warded!

Open House means free-and-easy, you may come & go as you wish. Some simple food & drinks will be provided. Ai Fong had graciously volunteered to bake a turkey, to make up for my spending Christmas in the hospital!

I would like to invite you to this Open House. This Open House is open to anyone who would like to visit me. I will post this invitation on my blog too as I do not have everyone’s email addresses. RSVP is not required.

Here are the details of the Open House :

Date : Wed 31 Dec 2008
Time : 1pm – 4pm
Venue : Hillview Regency (please sms for full address)
Request : please DO NOT bring any gifts as there is no more space in my small humble apartment.

(If you are driving, you will be directed by the security guards to park on Level 4 & above at the multi-storey carpark. Ground-level parking is for residents only. Take the carpark lift to the ground floor, the first tower you see is Tower 1A.)

thank you for walking with me through this journey,
sockkim

praise God, no cancer

I had prepared myself mentally for the worst. It had been so agonising over the past few days. I was agonised at the thought of having to go through another round of cancer. I was agonised at the thought of having to go through suffering & pain again. Only Jesus could understand the agony I went through. Jesus at Gethsemane had agonised over His impending death when He said, "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.......My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me." (Matt 26:38,39)

But God heard not only my cries, but the cries of all His saints who were pleading with Him for mercy. When I entered the doctor's room, I told the doctor I was prepared for the bad news, but the doctor exclaimed, "Who said it's bad news? It's good news!" I couldn't believe my ears. The doctor went through the PET scan report with me. The report said there was no sign that cancer had spread to my lungs or other parts of the body. I said a quiet "Thank You" to God in my heart.

It is always darkest just before dawn. I pray that the darkest night is past, that this new dawn will stay on for a long time. For though the report says there is no sign of cancer in the lungs & other parts of the body, the 2 cysts in the lung remain. The cysts in the lung have grown 3 times within a period of 6 months. This is worrying. Will they grow further? Will they become cancerous in future? These are questions which are of concern to me. But the doctor's answer is "wait & see". This answer makes me feel uneasy. I will need to trust all these to God. I will seek the Lord's guidance as to what I should do next.

I would like to express my sincere thanks to :

• everyone who has travelled alongside me in this journey through cancer. Many of you have called, sms-ed or emailed to assure me of your prayers. I am very touched by your love & concern. Thank you for lifting me up before the throne of grace with your tears & petition before God.
• these Godsend angels - PS, PL, Ruby - who were there by my side to share my sorrow & joy. Thank you for bringing me out for dinner & for the wonderful fellowship we had.
• last but not least, to the Almighty God for His unfailing love & mercy towards me. Thank You, Lord, for hearing & answering the prayers of all Your faithful saints.

Though the Lord has graciously averted the crisis today, my journey with cancer is not over yet. The cysts in my lung will remain my major concern in the months ahead. Please graciously lift me up before God's throne of grace & mercy each day.

Forever thankful to God for each one of you, His faithful saints,

tsk tsk

Thank You, Lord, for 2007

I will remember 2007 as a year of bitter-sweet memories. It was a year of struggles as I learned to cope with life after cancer. It was a year of challenges as I learned to live with the many side-effects of radiation. But I will also remember 2007 as a year I experienced God's abundant & amazing grace. It was a year I tasted God's goodness & faithfulness.

The past one year had helped me to see things from the eyes of a cancer patient & survivor. Many people do not realise that the recovery process for most cancer patients takes a long time & can be a frustrating, lonely & painful experience. There are frustrating moments when family & friends do not understand what cancer survivors are going through physically & emotionally. There are lonely moments when cancer survivors have to walk through the unknown journey of recovery without knowing what is happening. There are painful moments when cancer survivors are subjected to careless & insensitive remarks by well-meaning people.

On this last day of 2007, I would like to praise & thank God for who He is - the Almighty & Sovereign God, the all-knowing, all-wise, all-loving God. I would like to end the year by singing the following hymn to the Lord.

Thanks to God

Thanks to God for my Redeemer,
Thanks for all Thou dost provide,
Thanks for times now but a memory,
Thanks for Jesus by my side.
Thanks for pleasant, balmy springtime,
Thanks for dark & dreary fall,
Thanks for tears by now forgotten,
Thanks for peace within my soul.

Thanks for prayers that Thou hast answered,
Thanks for what Thou dost deny;
Thanks for storms that I have weathered,
Thanks for all Thou dost supply.
Thanks for pain and thanks for pleasure,
Thanks for comfort in despair,
Thanks for grace that none can measure,
Thanks for love beyond compare.

Thanks for roses by the wayside,
Thanks for thorns their stems contain,
Thanks for home & thanks for fireside,
Thanks for hope, that sweet refrain.
Thanks for joy & thanks for sorrow,
Thanks for heavenly peace within,
Thanks for hope in the tomorrow,
Thanks through all eternity!

"Lord, I thank You for the year just past - the challenges & the joys. I look forward to the coming year and ask that You will shine Your light upon my path that I may walk in Your ways all the days of my life. Amen."

thank you for journeying with me through 2007,
tsk tsk

first anniversary

Today is the first anniversary of the end of my radiation. I completed my 33 sessions of IMRT one year ago on 30 Oct 2006. It was a Monday.

I can still remember vividly the surprise party that PS & the gang had organised to celebrate the end of my radiation. PS & Cyndi went with me to SGH. PS drove me home after the treatment. When I reached home, I was greeted by many colourful balloons in my apartment. Who put up the balloons? I was wondering then. I felt that something strange was going on, but did not suspect anything. Mum was in the kitchen but she acted normally. There were no shoes outside the door so it did not arouse my suspicion. But on the way to my bedroom, I got a shock. Coming out of the room one-by-one were the BSF beauties. They had come to celebrate the successful completion of my radiation. I was so touched I wanted to cry.

These were the 9 ladies who made time to be with me : PS, Chuay Fen, Angie, Weng Yin, Cyndi, Kim Ho, Jo Chee, Susan, Shelly. We praised God through songs & prayers. Good thing I had some leftovers of my signature cake, so we ate that as we fellowshiped.

Lord, thank You for being there with me during those painful days.

tsk tsk

Reflection 4 : God is my Healer

dear brothers & sisters in Christ

Some of you are asking about my recent MRI scan. Thanks so much for your concern. I had written about it in my blog & had assumed that you would read about it. Just in case you had lost the blog address, here it is --- simply click on this link : http://sockkim.blogspot.com.

The MRI results had confirmed that the tumour behind my nose is completely gone. And so is the thyroid nodule. The Lord is my Healer. I thank the Lord that the worst is over. The past five months had been the most trying period in my life. But the Lord has been faithful & good to me. He gave me the strength to overcome every pain & suffering. It was by God's grace I survived the ordeal.

Many of you have written or spoken to me that you have been praying for me everyday without fail. I'm truly very touched & encouraged. It is your faithful prayers that have kept me going. The Lord has been so wonderful to send me so many angels like you to pray for me & to minister to my needs. My illness has turned out to be a blessing to me in many ways. I have experienced God's presence & power. I have experienced Christian love & compassion in practical ways. Yesterday morning (28 Jan), the Honorary Pastor of my church spoke from Luke 10:25-37 on "The Good Samaritan". I could not help feeling like the wounded traveller who was attended to by the good Samaritan. But in my case, I was so blessed to be attended to not by one, but by many good Samaritans during my time of illness. Thank you for being the Good Samaritan who attended to my needs & for seeing me through to the end.

Thank you for continuing to pray for me as I recover from my illness. The recovery process may take months. My most immediate prayer is the dryness effect caused by radiotherapy -- dry mouth & weak teeth (caused by lack of saliva in my mouth as the salivary glands & jaw bones were weakened by radiation). The doctor said they will heal but it will take time. As a result of these side effects of radiation, I am still not able to eat solid food. Pray that I will have the patience to wait upon the Lord to heal me of these side effects in His way & in His time.

thanks for journeying with me,
sockkim

A new BSF term

The new BSF term began yesterday. This year, we are studying the book of Romans.

It was all excitement for the Children's Leaders as we welcome the students back to the BSF School Program after a 3-month break. For CF & I, it was a wonderful change to be given Level 1 class to teach this year. These P1 & P2 kids are so cute & adorable!

I praise God for the privilege to serve. At first, I wasn't sure if I would recover in time for the new BSF term. But here I am, back once again as a Children's Leader, but with a new "handicap", my dry mouth. For days, I was full of concern for my dry mouth. Will it affect my teaching? I prayed & pleaded with the Lord. And the Lord was faithful to His promises. He took care of my mouth throughout the 2-hour session. CF told me my voice sounded normal. I knew that it was the Lord's enablement. Thank You, Lord, for teaching me to be dependent on You for everything. Thank You, Lord, for showing me what a great God You are!

thanks for journeying with me,
tsk tsk

TGIF

Oh wow, it is such a wet day today ... thank you, Lord, for the rain!

BSF 2007 starts tomorrow with the Workshop for Leaders. It is so wonderful, it is such a privilege to be able to serve God in BSF once again.

Thanksgiving Time

Thank God for this evening ... friends, fun, food, food and more food, and presents.

Thank God for the fine weather, we could hold the party in the garden.

Thank God for all the guests.

Best of all, we thank God for this special time of singing praises and thanksgiving to Him! SK's sharing is really testimony of how good, how great our God is. He is our ever faithful provider in our time of need.

Honour and Glory to our Lord Jesus Christ !!!

On the 12th Day of Christmas

Today is the last day of Christmas! And it is SK's birthday!

One year older, one year wiser ???

Chapter 3 begins

Now that RT is over ,,, we continue to PRAY for recuperation, recovery, renewal and restoration. Yet never forgetting to PRAISE and THANK GOD for everything.

BSF Leaders’ Sharing – 28 Oct 2006

16 Aug 2006 was the darkest day of my life. It was the day I learned I had nose cancer. I was dazed. I couldn’t believe it. How could it be? Haven’t I already lost one sister thru cancer? Haven’t I made every effort to read every available book on cancer & nutrition, & followed what the books say? Haven’t I been careful about my diet & avoided food that is said to cause cancer? How then could I have cancer? It just didn’t make sense to me. I couldn’t sleep the whole night. I felt so alone & lonely. I was on my knees, crying out my heart to the Lord. I did not question God “Why me?” I prayed, “Lord, what am I going to do? How am I going to walk through this unknown journey? I’m afraid. I’m scared. I do not know what to do but my eyes are on You. I do not understand what is happening to me. But Lord, I know You have a purpose and I will trust You all the way.” That night, the Lord led me to Psalm 73:26 : “My flesh & my heart may fail, but God is the Strength of my heart & my Portion forever.” That verse brought me comfort as I was assured that the battle belonged to God & He would guide me through this journey.

It all started as an innocent ringing tone in my left ear after 2 weeks of swimming lesson. The ringing tone later developed into ear blockage & I lost some hearing in my left ear. Little did I expect the problem to turn out to be so serious, a malignant tumour behind my nose. Thus began the 2-month journey in my battle against cancer. The 33-sessions of radiotherapy (RT) treatment began on 12 Sep, & as at today, I have one last session to go on Mon. As I have nose cancer, the RT is focused on my face & neck, resulting in side effects such as dry mouth, mouth ulcers, thick phlegmy saliva, all of which make eating, drinking & talking difficult. As the ulcers became more painful & unbearable, I could not eat & drink & began to lose weight. I had to be put on the feeding tube to enable me to eat & drink. The pain fromthe ulcers & phlegmy saliva grew more intense with each passing week. Many times I cried to the Lord to take away the pain & suffering but for some unknown reason, the Lord wanted me to go through the pain & suffering of cancer. He said, “My grace is sufficient for you.” The journey was so tough & difficult that there were times I felt like giving up. I was hospitalised twice as the side effects of RT took a heavy toll on me. But through each ordeal, I could sense the presence & testify the goodness of the Lord. He never let me suffer more than what I could bear.

Initially, I had a lot of concerns when I learned that I had to come for RT treatment every weekday for 7 weeks. How am I going to SGH for treatment everyday? Who is going to look after me? But God never deserts His children. I was soon overwhelmed by God’s loving & timely provisions. He sent many angels to minister to my needs. God enabled my 75-year-old mum to come from Msia to look after me full-time. Ai Fong initiated a “Milk Fund” to sponsor my Enercal diet. My co-CL, became my personal manager who coordinated all my needs for prayers, transport, food & supplies. She even initiated a personal blog to provide daily updates on my condition. Many angels came forward to drive me to SGH for treatment, cooked for me, brought me my daily supplies, stayed & looked after me when I was warded in the hospital & even took care of my mum when I was warded. I experienced true Christian love in action. These Godsend angels selflessly sacrificed their time & energy to minister to my needs in various ways. I’m thankful to God for all His provision.

I have a lot more to share but time does not permit me to go on. There are just too many miracles to mention in this short sharing. Although I do not yet know the outcome of my RT treatment, I know that my life is in God’s sovereign hands & I will trust Him all the way. There have been many trials in my life but this has been the most challenging one. But through it all, I have experienced God’s goodness & faithfulness. With God behind me & His arms beneath me, I know God will enable me to face whatever lies ahead of me. I pray that I will be restored totally (RT) by January to be able to come back to BSF, after having been away for the last one month. See you all in January 2007!

Reflection 2 by SK : The God of the Impossible

Dear Prayer Warriors,

The day has finally arrived. Today (12 Sep) is the first day of my 33-days of radiation therapy (RT). As I walk through this journey into the unknown with God as my Guide, I would like to share with you something about radiation so that you can pray alongside me for the next 33 RT sessions & beyond.

Radiation therapy or Radiotherapy (RT) is the use of high-energy x-rays to kill cancer cells or to destroy their ability to grow or multiply. RT can stop cancer cells from growing & spreading; in some cases, it can control or slow down the growth & spread of cancer cells or even shrink the size of the cancer tumour. RT is known to affect all cells, good or bad. However, generally, cancer cells are more sensitive to radiation damage than normal cells. RT is usually given on an outpatient basis, 5 days a week, for several weeks depending on the cancer.

The common side effects of RT are fatigue, skin changes and/or loss of appetite. For nose cancers, RT will affect the head & neck areas. The side effects will be :
mouth & throat - dry mouth, mouth ulcers, sore throat, lesser saliva resulting in difficulty in swallowing food, loss of taste
skin & ears - redness of skin, esp on the neck
dental - possible tooth decay (tooth extraction cannot be carried out during & after RT period)
hair loss - possible hair loss but only to the area that is treated
weight loss - possible to lose weight during RT (could lose 1 kg a week in some cases)
low immunity - because of low white blood count, can get easily infected with cold, flu & other viruses
long-term after effects of RT - some of the above problems may persist even after RT eg dry mouth, loss of taste, dental. Other effects include the possibility of secondary cancers (after 10 years?) due to the high radiation exposure (30 min per RT session)

Please PRAY with me over the next 33 RT sessions :
(1) "Lord, please protect every healthy cell, tissue and organ from the RT. Let the RT destroy only the cancer cells.”
(2) that the side effects and after effects of RT will not affect me adversely during and after RT, that is, I will eat, rest well and have a good appetite. I will not be tired, I will not lose weight, I will not have problems swallowing, I will not lose my voice, I will not lose hair, I will not suffer from toothache or tooth decay. I will be protected from cold/flu viruses and if I do suffer any of these symptoms, that God will give me His grace to go through them and recover.
(3) that the RT will be successfully administered, that God will guide the Radiation Oncologist, Therapists and all the other backroom medical staff to administer the radiation correctly, accurately and appropriately.

Our God is the God of the Impossible, the God who has said, "Is anything too hard for the Lord?" (Genesis 18:14). The Lord Jesus Christ Himself has said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." (Matthew 19:26). "If You can?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes." (Mark 9:23).

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." (2 Cor 1:3-4)

Grace be with all of you,
sockkim