Life after cancer

Some of you who had spoken to me in the mornings had always asked, "You have a sore throat?" My usual reply : "No, I don't have a sore throat. But my throat is sore every morning."

Life is different after cancer. There are new adaptations. I call it a new life. A new chapter in my life.

What are the new challenges? I have to learn to adapt to some physical changes in my body as a result of radiation. During my cancer treatment, I was exposed to high dosage of radiation on my face/neck area. Every day for 33 sessions, I went through 20-30 minutes of radiation. Although radiation is known to be effective in killing cancer cells, especially for nose cancer, it has negative side effects, short- and long-term. The radiation I received had damaged my organs, tissues & nerves - some of these might heal over time, some might not.

These side effects have posed new challenges to my daily life. This means having to cope with ENT (Ear, Nose, Throat) problems - this includes sore throat (esp in the morning), phlegmy mucus in the nose & echoing in my left ear. I still have tinnitus (ringing sound) in my left ear. I also have dry mouth, a common side effect for nose cancer survivors, due to lack of saliva. The lack of saliva has also caused my teeth to be extra-sensitive to bacteria attack & my tongue burns when it comes into contact with anything that is minty, spicy & acidic.

How do I cope with all these challenges? Yes, cancer has affected & changed the way I live my life. It has brought an element of uncertainty into my life as I do not know what problems I might encounter each day when I wake up. Adapting to changes in one's life can be a frustrating experience. But life must go on. Life is simply too short to waste time on non-essential things like feeling sorry for oneself, groaning & whining about life being unfair, & so on. What for be so negative, right? Just learn to accept the challenges & move on. Adapt & learn to live with the changes. In fact, the challenges have now become a new way of life for me -- a new daily routine.
But most important, "give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" (1 Thess 5:18). Yes, I am thankful to God for giving me a new lease of life. I am thankful I'm still alive. I feel like I have been resurrected from the dead. My life might have changed but God has never changed. He is the same yesterday, today & forever. I still remember God's promise to me on the day I discovered I had cancer : "My flesh & my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart & my portion forever" (Psalm 73:26).

Note : Thanks, Peggy. This posting is a result of your suggestion that I write something about my new challenges to encourage others who are going through the traumas of life.

thanks for journeying with me,
tsk tsk

char kway teow & wantan mee

I decided not to cook today but to eat out for both meals. I wanted to experiment with food. I went to the food centre at Bukit Batok Central for my lunch. A new stall selling char kway teow caught my eyes. It had been more than a year since I last took a plate of char kway teow so I decided to go for it. While waiting for the food, I wondered, "Will I be able to eat it? Will I be able to swallow it without any problem?" To my amazement, I finished the whole plate of char kway teow without the need to sip water! Wow....that was a great improvement!

Encouraged by this, I went to the other food centre at BB East Ave 4 after an evening stroll. I looked around & decided to take away wantan mee for dinner. I was surprised I could take that too without a sip of water! Eh, what's happening to my mouth all of a sudden? I seemed to be able to eat solid food which was a no-no weeks & months ago and what more, without the need to sip water!

Lord, thank You for the little little improvements You give me each day. Thank You for helping me to move from liquid to semi-solid to solid food. Thank You for enabling me to eat more & more and better & better each day. Thank You for seeing me through these last 6 months. I will continue to trust You to see me through the coming months.

thanks for journeying with me,
tsk tsk

breast cysts

Today, I had an SGH appointment to review my mammogram & breast ultra-sound results. After my surgery 2 years ago to remove 2 breast cysts, which turned out to be benign, I had been required to go for an annual check-up.

This time round, I felt a bit nervous because of my recent nose cancer experience. I prayed, "Lord, please don't let it be bad news because I don't think I have the mental strength to take another blow."

The ultra-sound revealed a number of small breast cysts but they appeared to be benign. The doctor said nothing needs to be done now but to follow up in a year's time. I come from a family of breast cancer so I am considered to be in the high risk group. I can only look to the Almighty God for His protection. Please uphold me in your prayers, if you still remember me.

thanks for journeying with me,
tsk tsk

The diary of tsk

I heard from the TV news today that Anne Frank received her first diary on her 13th birthday (14 Jun 1942). She wrote in an early entry, "I hope that you (the diary) will be a great support and comfort to me." In her diary, Anne addressed her letters to the imaginary "Kitty".

I started writing diaries when I was 14 years old. But I received my first "proper" diary only 2 yeats later on 8 Jun 19xx. This diary was special because it could be locked with a key. It was a gift from my eldest sister to reward me for my good school results. I treasured it very much. It is still with me today. The first words on my first diary were taken from Philippians 4:13 - "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me" (KJV).

I am now on my 6th volume. I keep all my diaries. As I read my old diaries, I can see a change in my writing style. In my teenage years, my diary was written more as a record on the daily events of my life, some of which appeared so funny & silly now. In my university & young adult years, I started each diary entry as "Dear Lord", recording my conversations with God. I still adopt this "conversation with God" style even today. In addition, I use my diary to record my thoughts, my prayers, my feelings, my reflections. My diary is the best place to know the real me because I write as I am, no pretenses. But sorry, no one can read my diaries. Like Anne Frank, maybe someone might decide to publish my diaries after I die.

Why do I suddenly talk so much about diaries? It is because during my time of illness, from Aug 2006 to May 2007, I have not written anything in my diary at all, although I keep a daily journal on my cancer treatment & recovery. In fact, the last entry in my diary was 11 Aug 2006, 5 days before I was diagnosed with nose cancer. So I am taking opportunity of this current BSF break to update my diary before my memory begins to fade away.....

I hope to complete my assignment by next week so that I can use the remaining week to prepare for the new BSF term, which begins on 30 Jun. Oh dear, I just remember I still have one more assignment left to do. My home church in Malaysia, Gereja Grace Batu Pahat (Grace Church) has requested me to write a testimony to be published in its "GG Messenger" newsletter. I better find the time to do so this week!

thanks for reading my blog,
tsk tsk

still 43kg but can eat better now

The 4-weeks mid-year school break started this week. The same goes for BSF. But BSF break is one week longer. After teaching for the past 16 weeks, this was a long-awaited breather. I think God had made us in such a way that we need to recharge our batteries. Our bodies need a break from work.

My schedule is quite full for the first 2 weeks. On Tue (29 May), I went to do a mammogram & ultra-sound at SGH. This is an annual routine. The doctor will review the results with me on 15 Jun. I don't think I have the mental strength to take another health blow, so please pray with me that there will be no bad news.

On Wed (30 May) morning, I went back to see my dentist to follow-up on my teeth. In the afternoon, I had an appointment with a nutritionist recommended by a friend. It was just a casual discussion on food nutrition. Nothing much came out of it. There is nothing new that I do not already know.

Thurs (31 May) was Vesak public holiday. I normally reward myself by sleeping longer on public holidays.....woke up at 10am. A full day of rest? No such luxury as I had asked my sister & her family to come over for dinner. I had planned to serve them Thai cuisine. That was why I was so busy running about the last few days buying all the necessary stuff. When I woke up, I noticed an sms message from Yong Foon (from my DG). She said she had cooked fish porridge & would be bringing it over for my lunch. How sweet of her! It was so timely as I was then wondering what to eat for lunch. And I had no time to cook lunch as I had to start preparing the ingredients. God is so good. He always sees to my needs. I spent the whole afternoon cooking. What is most satisfying to me is to see people enjoying the food so much they want more! You feeling hungry already, right? I wished I could invite all of you over.

This was the 2nd time I cooked a feast for my family. The 1st time was on CNY eve (17 Feb) when I cooked Reunion dinner. At that time, I could only sit at a corner & see my family enjoy the food I cooked. I was so hungry then but I couldn't take a bite. I could only drink soup. Sounds so pitiful, right? But this time, it was so different -- I could join in the makan. I give thanks to God for the small improvements I experience each day. I can now eat more & better. It has been some 7 months since the end of radiation. I have experienced God's goodness, grace & power in my life. All glory be to God!

thanks for journeying with me,
tsk tsk