I was on my way back to Singapore. The express coach had turned into the North-South Highway from Ayer Hitam. For the last one hour, I had tried to engage my mind on a game of “sudoku” on my iphone but I simply could not concentrate. My mind kept playing back the events of the last few days while my curious eyes were fixated on a fly which I noticed had been “walking” on the window pane since I boarded the coach an hour ago. I would have normally tried to shoo away or kill a fly if it dared to come near me, but this particular fly was rather strange. It did not disturb me, so I decided to leave it alone.
Just then, my phone rang & I jumped. It was my eldest brother. I froze & my heart began to beat faster. My intuition told me he was bringing me bad news.
“You have to come home again. Dad had just passed away,” my eldest brother said in Hokkien. I replied with a brief “Ok” as my throat suddenly became choked. Tears gradually welled up in my eyes. I glanced at the window pane. The fly had mysteriously disappeared.
My last conversation with papa (16-18 Dec 2011)
I travelled home to Batu Pahat on 16 Dec when I received news that papa was very sick. Papa had been diagnosed with pneumonia. When I first saw papa in the hospital, I had a shock. I almost couldn’t recognise papa. He had lost so much weight. He was all skin & bones. He looked so frail. I tried to hold back my tears. I had never seen papa like this before. Papa had never been seriously ill in all his 82 years. My heart pained to see him in this condition.
I spoke into papa’s ears as he was hard of hearing. I said in Hokkien, “Pa, I’m xxxxx (my pet name). I’ve come back to see you.” Papa looked at me & waved his hand (a sign that he had heard me). Papa had lost his voice. He mumbled some words but mum & I could not figure out what he was saying. I guessed he was trying to say, “I’m happy you’re back!”
On the morning of Sunday 18 Dec 2011, the doctor and nurse came to check on papa. Papa's extremely low blood pressure was of grave concern. Mum asked if papa would recover. I explained dad's condition to mum & told her she had to be mentally prepared.
Mum is a strong woman & a devoted wife. She & papa had been married for 60 years. She tube-fed, washed & cleaned papa everyday without a word of complaint or murmuring despite the heavy toll on her aged body. I also saw mum standing by papa's bedside talking, praying & singing hymns to papa now & then. Mum was truly papa's Godsend angel. We depended on mum to take care of papa. And she was papa's pillar of strength till his last breath.
I walked over to papa's bedside to talk to papa. Words began to flow out from my heart. It turned out to be an unplanned farewell speech to papa. All the while I was talking to papa, I could see that he was responding to me with his eyes wide open as he listened intently to every word I said. It was the first time in my life I spoke with such heartfelt emotions to papa. And I was glad I did. Because I could see that he was visibly moved.
In a mixture of Hokkien & Mandarin, I said, “Pa, thank you for bringing me up. Thank you for giving me an English education without which I would never have been able to go to UK to further my studies." (note : I am the only English-educated “ang-moh” in my family of eight siblings)
Holding back tears, I continued, “Pa, if Jesus comes to bring you home to heaven, please follow Jesus with joy and peace. Don’t worry about us here. I assure you that we know how to take care of your home --- we know how to lock the gate & doors at night, we know how to make sure there is enough water in the house for you have taught us to do all these things (note : papa had been doing these chores all his life; it was his way of caring for the family. Water rationing happens frequently in my hometown and papa always made sure we had enough water to drink & bathe). Don’t worry about mum. I will take good care of mum. I will take good care of this family.”
“Pa, if our Lord Jesus says to you ‘Come home’, please go home with Jesus. Don’t be afraid. Jesus has prepared for you a house in heaven. And you will not be alone in heaven. Ah Ma, Bi-xia (my second sister), Li-chek (papa's brother), they are all in heaven. You will get to see them in heaven. Of course we will all miss you. But we will see you in heaven one day.”
“Pa, I’m taking the 1.30pm coach back to Singapore later. Next Sunday is Christmas Day. I promise I will come back again to see you, to celebrate Christmas with you. Please wait for me. But if you can’t wait, pa, then we'll meet again in heaven.”
At this point, I saw tears streaming down papa’s face. I called for mum & said, “Mummy, papa is shedding tears!” Mum quickly came to dad’s side to wipe away his tears. Mum & I were both fighting back our own tears too. I was very surprised by papa’s response. It was the first time in my life I saw papa shedding tears. And I didn’t know it was to be my last conversation with papa.
My last Christmas with papa (24-26 Dec 2011)
I came back again to see papa on 24 Dec 2011. I reached Batu Pahat after 7pm due to heavy traffic jam at the Second Link. Papa had been discharged from hospital & was recuperating at home. The minute I reached home, I went to papa’s bedside to let him know I was home. I told him that it was the Lord Jesus’ birthday tomorrow. As usual, he waved to show he had heard me.
My two good friends, Elder Lim Aik Leong and Mary Teo, dropped by to visit me a while later. Before the clock struck midnight, we walked to papa’s bedside to sing him a carol. As we started singing “Silent Night, Holy Night” in English, mum and my eldest brother came to join us (the rest of the family was in church for the Christmas service). After we finished singing, Mary told me later that she saw tears coming down papa’s face (I could not see from where I was standing). Elder Lim ended with a prayer. I did not know that was to be my last Christmas with papa.
My last day with papa (26 Dec 2011)
The morning after Christmas Day, papa was coughing quite badly the whole morning. I was taking the 10.30am coach back to Singapore as all afternoon tickets had been sold out. Although I felt reluctant to leave papa like this, I don’t understand why I still left for Singapore that morning. On hindsight, I thought I should have stayed put. Maybe God sent me back to Singapore as He did not want me to see papa pass away. God knew I would not be able to take it well.
So while I was on my way back to Singapore on the morning of 26 Dec 2011, God took papa home at 11.30am. And I returned to Batu Pahat again that same night. Papa’s funeral was held at Saving Grace Church in Batu Pahat on 29 Dec 2011. Papa is now resting in peace at the Batu Pahat Christian cemetery.
Lord, thank You for enabling me to be with papa in his last few days on earth.
Farewell papa ....... we will miss you dearly till we meet again.
from : mum, your beloved children & grandchildren
note : PLEASE PROCEED TO READ THE EULOGY BELOW.
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