breast results

The breast clinic at SGH sees patients only on Fridays so the queue is always long & slow. My 4.35pm appointment became 6.00pm by the time I saw my doctor. Actually the clinic had to switch me to another doctor at the last minute as my original queue was going too slow. It doesn't matter which doctor I see as SGH specialists work in teams under the supervision of a senior doctor.

What is the result of my breast ultrasound? Two nodules of 10mm & 5mm are spotted on the left breast but they appear benign so there is no need for a biopsy. The ultrasound also showed scattered cysts on both breasts. These are common & harmless so I am not the least worried.

I don't know why I forgot to look at my last year's report before I went for my appointment. My last year's report showed there were 2 nodules on my right breast and 4 nodules on my left breast. But my latest report said there are only 2 nodules on my left breast with no mention of any nodules on the right breast. Does that mean 4 nodules had disappeared? Is that a result of TCM treatment? I am curious to know the answer.

Whatever it is, I'm thankful to God for the good results.

tsk tsk

breast check today

I have an appointment at the breast clinic, SGH today to review the ultrasound I took last week. A lump was found on the left breast. I expect my doctor to suggest doing a biopsy, as he did 3 years ago when he removed 2 benign lumps on the right breast. Somehow my heart tells me this new lump will be benign as well. My doctor always reminds me I am in the high risk group as I come from a family of breast cancer. I lost a sister to breast cancer 20 years ago.

"Lord, thank You for giving me Your peace."
tsk tsk

death planning

When I told my friends I was going to spend my BSF break in June doing "death planning", some thought I sounded so morbid while others felt I was so brave to face this forbidden subject.

"Death planning" means planning in the event of death. It includes writing a will, planning for wakes & funerals, leaving instructions how you would like to be preserved on earth (burial or cremation), choosing your favourite hymns, preparing your final speech, saying your last goodbyes. For me, I need to think seriously where I would like to hold my funeral, be buried or cremated, in Singapore or Malaysia - as both countries are very close to my heart.

No living person likes to openly discuss their death. But then this is the reality of life; we never know when God will call us home. There are 3 ways one can die : accident, illness, old age. The trouble is we can't choose how we would like to die. The recent Sichuan earthquake is a good example of how one can die suddenly without the chance to say goodbye to one's family & friends. The lesson is we should be prepared to die anytime. When our time on earth is up, then it's time to go home to eternity. Eternity can be heaven or hell. To my friends who are not Christians, do you know where you will be going after you die - heaven or hell? Jesus is the only passport to heaven. You need to believe in Jesus if you want to go to heaven. This is because the Bible says "Jesus is the way, the truth and the life." (John 14:6)

The irony of life is that some of us are "poor" when we are alive but we are "rich" when we die. What do I mean? If you have done your estate planning or written your will, you will discover that you will leave behind your property, CPF and other savings which might easily add up to a million dollars. We work & work all our lives trying to earn a decent living to feed a family, to pay off mortgages, to settle medical bills & other commitments but when we die, we leave behind money for others to enjoy. And this is the money we need most now when we are alive. This is the irony of life.

I've been wanting to write a will for a long time. It was my recent cancer experience that reminded me not to delay anymore. I have been praying about this since then, asking the Lord how He would like me to give away His money in the event I die. I pray that the Lord will guide me to make the right decision.

"Lord, all I have comes from You. Show me how You like me to use Your money to bless others after I die."

tsk tsk

medical considerations

I visit SGH so often it now seems like a 2nd home to me. I had been there 16 times so far this year, an average of 3 visits a month. As a reminder to myself, below are my medical appointments in the next 3 months.

30 May - breast clinic (to review breast lump)
12 June - O&G (to review fibroids)
3 July - NDC (to repair decaying teeth)
23 July - NCC (regular follow-up)
7 Aug - NDC (to repair decaying teeth)
28 Aug - thyroid ultrasound & FNAC
18 Sep - ENT (to review thyroid nodule)

The Ministry of Health revised its hospital subsidy for PRs with effect from Jan 2008. The hospital subsidy was reduced by 5 percentage-point in Jan 2008 & will be reduced by another 5 percentage-point in July 2008. And with effect from Jan 2009, hospital subsidy will be subject to means-testing. I accept the rationale that these changes are necessary to differentiate between Singapore citizens & PRs.

Before 2008, Spore citizens & PRs received the same govt subsidy for the same class of ward. I am thankful for the 60-70% govt subsidy I had enjoyed in 2006-2007 when I underwent cancer treatment as a B2 patient. I am glad I had bought personal insurance when I was still young & healthy. This insurance turned out to be a blessing as it paid almost all my medical bills then.

With medical costs going up & govt subsidy coming down, is it time for me to give serious thought to whether I should apply for Spore citizenship? This is something that has been bugging me this year. The situation has changed; the rules have changed; maybe it's also time for me to change my thinking.

Singapore or Malaysia? It seems like a simple decision to make but I tell you it's not. It has given me a lot of headache.......& pain as well. It is not easy to give up something that is close to your heart. I will have to sit down to do some analysis and planning. This is also a major decision which I cannot make alone. I need the Lord's guidance.

All these years, my decision to remain a PR was guided by this scripture verse : "From one man He made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and He determined the times set for them and the exact place where they should live." (Acts 17:26). I had always believed that it is God's will to make me a Malaysian; it is also God's will to bring me to Singapore. So I must ask God before I make any changes to my national status.

"Lord, please guide me to make a wise decision regarding where You want me to be."

tsk tsk

a gift from God

God's love & care for His own overwhelms me. There are times when I don't pray aloud for a specific need, yet God sees the unexpressed desire of my heart & gives me a pleasant surprise when He meets my need in an unexpected way. This is the true heart of a loving Father towards His children. This is my personal experience of God.

I thank God for leading me to seek TCM treatment as the alternative way to improve my health. God knows how serious I am in wanting to get well. God sees how I struggle each day to brew & drink the herbs. In an earlier blog posting, I had mentioned how nice it would be if someone could brew the herbs for me! God answered the desire of my heart in an unexpected way.

On Tuesday, I received an email from a dear friend. Irene Tan (a previous BSF CL), a Singaporean living in KL, read my blog & responded immediately to my need. She said she has an electric-powered TCM earthern pot which can auto-brew the herbs to the desired level. The pot has an auto buzzer which will give out a loud buzzing sound when the herbs are ready. Someone had mentioned about this TCM pot to me last year but I had forgotten all about it. Irene said she would bring the pot for me in her next trip back from KL.

On Wed, when I was at SGH, Irene called to say her dad bought a few pots last year and he so "happened" to have one pot left unused! Irene arranged to pick me up from Dover MRT on my way home from SGH so that she could pass me the TCM pot. Irene wrote later, "I now don't think my dad was so crazy to buy so many pots at one go afterall. It looks like God used my dad to stock a pot for you since last year." I was moved to tears. I am touched to see the way God loves & cares for me.

I now use the magic TCM pot to brew herbs every night. I am deeply impressed. The pot does the job for me perfectly. There is no need to set the alarm clock anymore. There is no need to worry about spilling or over-brewing anymore. There is no need to constantly check the water level anymore. A loud buzzing sound will alert me once the herbal medicine reaches the right level. Even if I miss the buzz, the pot will automatically switch to "warm" after 30 seconds. The herbal medicine will not dry up. What a clever invention indeed!

Brewing herbs has now become a breeze. The best thing is the TCM pot enhances the quality of the herbal medicine. The medicine tastes thicker & tastier. Now I enjoy drinking the bitter-sweet herbal medicine!

"Lord, thank You for using Irene & her dad to meet my need.
Lord, thank You for your gift."

tsk tsk

What did the tests reveal?

Breast ultrasound
I quietly asked the radiographer if she saw anything suspicious on my breasts. She showed me the ultrasound picture which spotted a lump on my left breast, plus other cysts on both breasts. She assured me, "don't worry, it looks harmless" & added that my doctor would advise me accordingly next Friday.

Thyroid nodule
My previous PET scan had suspected a left thyroid nodule, amongst other things, so my ENT doctor is referring me to do further tests. I had an operation 8 years ago to remove a right thyroid nodule which was benign. This left thyroid nodule was already spotted during an MRI scan I did in 2006 before my radiation treatment but FNAB confirmed it was benign. My oncologist had said the radiation could reduce the nodule as the rays passed through the neck area. It looks like there is a bit of the nodule left. Or maybe it is a new growth.

"Thank You, Lord, that my flesh & my heart may fail but You are the strength of my heart & my portion forever." (Psalm 73:26)

tsk tsk

what a day!

Yesterday was a real test of my physical strength & stamina. I was surprised at myself that I could do so many things, walked so many miles without feeling tired or breathless.

7.00 am - waky, waky......had oats for breakfast, drank Chinese "coca-cola" (herbal medicine).
9.00 am - took MRT to Outram Park; walked to Chinatown (Temple St) to place orders for 10pkt of TCM herbs; instead of walking back to Outram Park, took bus to Outram Rd; walked to SGH Blk 1 (instead of taking SGH shuttle bus which by this time always has a long queue).
10.30 am - registered for mammogram & breast ultra-sound.
12.15 pm - completed above; walked to Blk 4 food court for lunch.
1.15 pm - walked to National Dental Centre for 1.30pm dental appointment; Dr Png spent one hour fitting & trying the new denture on me.
2.40 pm - arrived 20min late for ENT appointment. As usual, ENT clinic is always crowded & slow.
3.55 pm - waited more than one hour for my turn - this is "normal". Dr Chiew did a thorough check on my ear, nose, throat, said everything was clear; reviewed previous PET scan results & referred me to do thyroid ultrasound & FNAC (fine needle aspiration cytology).
4.30 pm - walked to Diagnostic Radiology dept to book appointments for above. Appointment was fixed for 25 Aug.
5.00 pm - whew! done with all my SGH appointments; walked to Chinatown to pick up my herbs; walked back to Outram Pk MRT.
6.30 pm - Irene Tan (BSF) picked me up at Dover MRT to drive me home (please read separate story on this).
7.05 pm - reached home; washed up; cooked simple dinner.
8.15 pm - brewed TCM herbs
10.45pm - drank Chinese "coca-cola"
12.00 mn - sweet dreams zzzzzzzzzzz

That was a 17-hour marathon without any rest in between. Strange thing was I didn't feel tired or breathless, even when I was walking at super-speed from SGH to Chinatown & back to Outram Pk under the scorching sun. It was another good sign that my body was probably regaining its strength. A friend was amazed & said that even a normal person could not walk the miles I had walked. Those who know me would know that I had always loved walking & that I am a fast walker too. I look forward to the day when I can resume my regular walks in nature parks.

I would love to try the newly opened "Southern Ridges", a 9km walk through the rolling hills of Mount Faber, Telok Blangah Hill, Kent Ridge Park & ending at West Coast Park. It would be such an exciting experience, walking on high bridges & enjoying the natural surroundings that God has created for our enjoyment. Is anyone game enough to join me?

I thank God for sustaining me,
tsk tsk

3 appointments at sgh today

Whew......this week is the last BSF class for this term. It has been a 13-week marathon since Feb. I've run out of steam & have been looking forward to this long-overdue break for a long time. There's so much that our body can take. I suppose God did not make us like super-machines that can work 24/7. I suppose my tiredness was also partly a result of my weekly TCM consultation on Sat night. I'm glad I now need to consult Dr Cheng once every fortnight.

Today, I have 3 appointments at SGH. I don't know if scheduling all 3 appointments on the same day will prove to be a clever idea. I wanted to kill 3 birds in one day, rather than to kill 1 bird each on 3 different days. I will know by the end of the day who gets killed, me or the bird!

11.00am = mammogram + breast ultrasound
1.30pm = National Dental Centre (try new denture)
2.20pm = ENT clinic
Afternoon = Chinatown (to buy herbs)

The results of the mammogram/ultrasound will be known next Fri, 30 May. The breast clinic sees patients only on Fridays. Last year, the ultrasound shows many cysts on my right breast. I pray that it will be better results this time round.

thanks for remembering this poor wretched soul,
tsk tsk

how am I doing with TCM?

I began taking TCM medicine on 12 Apr. It has been a month. So far, how? Some of you have been asking.

One must be patient when starting on TCM treatment because the results are slow but steady. Besides patience, one also must be diligent in brewing & drinking the herbal medicine daily. It's like taking antibiotics, your doctor will say you must complete the whole course of antibiotics. I must confess that I do skip sometimes when I have a full day & come home late & tired. As I live alone, I have to do everything myself. How nice if I have someone to brew the herbs for me!

So how am I doing with TCM after one month? Although it's still early to assess, I would say there are some small encouraging improvements. On my first consultation with Dr Cheng, his diagnosis of my health could be summarised in one word - WEAK! I failed in all measurements on health; in TCM language, I was deficient in yin, yang & qi. Why did I take so long to seek TCM treatment, he asked. I did try but I gave up half-way, I told him. My recent lung-scare woke me up. I am thankful to the Lord for setting the alarm to alert me; it was like God giving me a 2nd chance. So this time I am taking TCM very seriously.

Dr Cheng said his top priority would be to increase my "qi". He explained that a weak "qi" could give rise to health problems, including the growth of cysts in my organs. He explained how our human body works in a very interesting way. Our body is made up of 70% water. Water needs energy (qi) to travel to all parts of our body. But because my "qi" is weak, the water would end up depositing as bubble cysts on my lungs, liver, kidneys, etc as there is no energy for it to continue travelling. I now understand why there are so many cysts in my body. His rationale is that once my "qi" is normal, my body would heal by itself.

Some of the positive results since I started taking the herbal medicine include the following. For the first time since radiation, my menses is back to normal. I also realise that I no longer feel pain on my chest. My skin also doesn't look so dry - my right thumb is a good example. And for the first time, Dr Cheng said he could feel the pulse on my left wrist (previously, pulses on both wrists were "empty", in TCM lingo). As a result, my appointment to see Dr Cheng would now be once a fortnight instead of once a week.

These positive results do give me some encouragement to continue with TCM treatment. But the herbs also caused some negative reactions initially. In Week 1, I developed rashes on my neck & inner arms. An investigation revealed that I was allergic to an animal protein that Dr Cheng had added to the prescription for the purpose of increasing my "qi". It seems like I am the only patient who is allergic to this animal protein. Dr Cheng is now very careful in prescribing only plant-herbs for me. In subsequent weeks, white snowy flakes appeared first on my arms, then my legs & thighs. I did not panic but took it as a good sign because the flakes looked like toxins were being excreted through my skin. The flakes disappeared after a few days.

By the way, I am also on acupuncture treatment to relieve my neck stiffness & aches. Radiation has stiffened my neck & my job makes it worse as I use the computer the whole day. I think acupuncture is quite effective as my neck seems to be not so stiff now.

I'm thankful to God for the little, little improvements that have resulted from TCM treatment. It's still a long journey ahead but I will learn to live one day at a time. Each day is a day of grace from God.

thanks for being my unseen angel sent from above,

tsk tsk

carried in His strong arms

If you are discouraged & feel like giving up, I pray that today's daily devotion will nourish your spirit & soul.


Source : Our Daily Bread, RBC Ministries
Contributor : Vernon Grounds


Carried In His Strong Arms

Feb 22, 2008


Scripture Reading : Isaiah 46:1-11

"Even to your old age & gray hairs, I am He, I am He who will sustain you. I have made you & I will carry you; I will sustain you & I will rescue you." (Isaiah 46:4)

Missionary couple Ray and Sophie de le Haye served heroically in West Africa for more than 40 years. As she grew older, Sophie suffered from the loss of all motor control of her body. That once-strong servant of Christ, who had carried on a ministry of unimaginable stress, was suddenly reduced to helplessness, unable to button her clothes or lift a cup of water to her lips. But she refused to become bitter or self-pitying. In her moments of utter weakness, she would quietly remind herself, “For this you have Jesus.”

Many centuries ago our heavenly Father gave a reassuring message to a burdened prophet of Israel—a message that we need today: “Listen to Me, O house of Jacob, . . . who have been upheld by Me from birth, who have been carried from the womb: Even to your old age, I am He, and even to gray hairs I will carry you! I have made, and I will bear; even I will carry, and will deliver you” (Isa. 46:3-4).

What an encouraging picture of divine grace! It calls to mind the Good Shepherd bearing a helpless lamb. Whether young or old, we can learn to let God carry us. Weak and burdened, we can lean on His everlasting arms and remind ourselves, “For this I have Jesus.”

— Vernon Grounds

The King of love my Shepherd is,
Whose goodness faileth never;
I nothing lack if I am His,
And He is mine forever.
—Baker

You can rest in the arms of Jesus—He’ll never let you down.


tsk tsk

why? why? oh, why?

Source : Our Daily Bread, RBC Ministries
Date of devotion : 7 Apr 2008 Monday

WHY? WHY? OH, WHY?

Why must I suffer disappointment, sorrow, and tribulation? What have I done that God should send me trials? Is He displeased with me? These questions are constantly asked by God's dear children.

Much of this fear and questioning is due to our misunderstanding of God's dealings with His own. He has His good reasons. And one of those reasons is for our spiritual discipline. We should be far more afraid of being left alone than of God's chastening, for He wastes no time on worthless objects that give no promise of fruitfulness.

On the shores of Lake Michigan are great barren sand dunes that have never felt the point of a plow. But in the rich lowlands beyond them, the farmer is constantly cultivating the soil. The farmer knows what he is doing, so he keeps on breaking up the soil. The deeper the plow works and the more the sharp harrow, the more precious the crop will be when harvest time comes.

God's plow goes deep, but it is only that in the end we may forget the plowing and rejoice in the blessing of bearing much fruit for Him. "No chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it" (Heb. 12:11). — M.R. De Haan

When blades of distress cut deep in the soul,

Breaking up ground that was untouched before,

The Lord is preparing soil to bear fruit

Fit for the harvest to feed many more.

—by Hess

All sunshine and no rain make a desert.

one tooth gone

Last Sunday morning, one front tooth on the lower jaw fell off while I was brushing my teeth. Good thing it left behind a stump or else I would be in deep trouble. This tooth has become loose after my radiation.

Dr Kaung had explained to me before that tooth extraction is not allowed for NPC survivors in the first 8 years after radiation due to the high risk of infection as the wound would not heal. This is one after-effect of radiation I have to live with after cancer. Daily oral hygiene is essential to prevent tooth decay & infection. It's becoming a daily habit to brush & floss my teeth after each meal. I also need to apply fluoride on my teeth every night. Surgery to the jaws would be necessary if serious tooth infection occurs. I pray this will never happen to me.

I went to the National Dental Centre (NDC) today to have my tooth examined by another dental surgeon as Dr Kaung was busy. Dr Png confirmed there was no tooth infection & treated the stump to prevent any infection in the future. I agreed to wear dentures for the time being. Dr Png advised that should I experience pain or discomfort, I must return to NDC immediately.

As my lower teeth seem to be decaying, it looks like I might have a challienging time ahead. This is the latest addition to my already long list of concerns. Before cancer, I took pride in having a good set of teeth & a clean bill of health. But cancer has changed my life.

thanks for praying alongside me on this journey,
tsk tsk